December 3, 2009

How to play
Frisbee Golf
(A Labrajack Field Guide^©)

Hundreds of peoples have written in and asked me
'Jack, how do puppies play Frisbee Golf?
What is Frisbee Golf?
Can you teach ME how to play Frisbee Golf?'

Well, actually no one has asked me any of those questions,
but since I needed to write about something, here we go!

You need 3 things to play Frisbee Golf:
• A bunch of puppies/dogs
• A field
• A red Frisbee

OR a BLUE Frisbee will be fine.
Once one of the puppies picks up the Frisbee,
then all the other dogs try to take the Frisbee AWAY from the puppy
who has the Frisbee.


Two things are important:
First) Do not be a mean puppy when you try to take away the Frisbee.
Nobody likes a mean puppy.
You should ask nicely if you can play with the Frisbee too.
If the puppy will not let you play with the Frisbee, then you should
RIP IT OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!!
er., uh.... gently tug the Frisbee until he drops it!
Second) You should let the puppy who knows HOW to pick up
the Frisbee be the one who picks it up.
There is nothing more embarrassing than watching
a puppy try for like 6 hours to pick up a Frisbee off of the ground.
Or a dime.
(That's why puppies never have any change.
They can't pick it up off the ground if they drop it!
Cats, on the other hand, are loaded.
If you need a candy bar from the machine,
go hit up the cat for 3 quarters!
But I digress...)

Figure 1) Puppy who can't pick up the Frisbee.
Note the disgusted look on the face
of the very handsome puppy standing next to him!

Once you have the Frisbee, do NOT,
and this is VERY IMPORTANT,
DO NOT EAT the Frisbee
or chew it up.
If you do, you will not have no more Frisbee.
And if you have no more Frisbee,
it is almost impossible to play Frisbee Golf!

Figure 2) Wrong! No! Bad Puppy!
(I know - it sounds silly, doesn't it?
But that's how peoples think they should talk to their puppies!
A simple 'I don't think you should do that!' would suffice!)

Then, once you get the Frisbee picked up,
you must
RUN LIKE THE HOUNDS OF HELL ARE AFTER YOU!
(Or the big mastiff who likes to sit on you - either visual is ok!)

Because remember, all the other EVIL puppies
are trying to take YOUR Frisbee that you
got at the pet store because the tall guy was too cheap
to buy you the fuzzy squirrel that you REALLY wanted!
I mean, come on!
Would it really kill him to spend $29.95
every now and again?
No.
Anyway...

Eventually, you will get tired
and then you have finished playing
Frisbee Golf!

There! Wasn't that easy?
So, next time your peoples have company,
why don't you invite them to enjoy a nice game
of Frisbee Golf with you?

Or Monopoly!