Monday, November 30, 2009

November 30, 2009

Practicing for

I've decided that we puppies should bring back the Middle Ages custom of
(I think the Middle Ages were like 1950 or something).

Evidently, to do the joust, you pick up a big stick and
run at someone else who has a big stick as well!

The tall guy said there were supposed to be horses involved,
but I think this new way is better!
Wherever there are horses,
there's bound to be lots of horse 'deposits'.
You can run a lot faster when you don't
have to watch where you're running!
You have to run very very fast with the stick.
Some knights named their stick 'Lance'.
I named my stick 'Sticky'.

I just asked the tall guy what a knight might say before he did a joust!
Here's what he said:
"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."

I told him that he should try to get that published somewhere!

And here we are at the end of the joust.
Notice that I am no longer holding Sticky in my mouth.
I found that if you run very fast with a stick in your mouth,
you are very liable to get splinters.
Splinters are NOT fun.

I do not know how the knights who lived in 1950 did it.
Jousting is hard!
Maybe we should just stick with Frisbee Golf!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

November 29, 2009

How to Track and Capture
(A LabraJack Field Guide)

It is never easy to find and capture the elusive yellow plastic ball. We must use a great deal of our heightened 'puppy senses' to locate and then capture these glowing orbs of evil!

Step 1: Location, location, location.
The yellow plastic balls are not found everywhere. You may hear your peoples talk about such exotic locations as 'WAL-MART' (sometimes referred to as 'WALLY WORLD') or 'K-MART' or even the very frightening sounding 'TARGET'. These places are obviously in very far and distant lands, as puppies are not allowed to go to them. No, you are better off looking around your neighborhood, especially where the small peoples who seem to be always running and yelling live. I think these noisy small peoples are called 'HEATHENS' (at least according to the tall guy!). So, look and see if you can find 4 or 5 of these heathens running around because chances are that's where you will often find the elusive yellow plastic ball of death (once the heathens have gone into their houses). Once you have found the EYPBOD ('evil yellow plastic ball of death' - pronounced 'i-Pod'), slowly sneak up behind it. DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE EYPBOD! Act as if you don't even care that there is an EYPBOD anywhere near you. Treat it just like you treat the uncle at your Thanksgiving dinner who wouldn't give you any turkey and tried to get you to eat his lima bean cassarole!

Step 2: POUNCE!
Do not hesitate. Once you are beside the EYPBOD, grab it. Grab it as if the entire future of all mankind on Earth and any undiscovered habitable planets depended on it! Grab it as if it was the Kobe steak that was on the grill last weekend that somehow disappeared while the tall guy was inside getting a plate and then turned up missing before he could get back outside and you had to tell him that another dog jumped over the fence and you tried to stop him but he ran away too fast. Remember, the EYPBOD will resist. It will threaten you. It will bribe you. It will tell you that there is a puppy coming up the road that is looking for someone to play with. BUT there are no puppies coming up the road. Just grab hold and never let go!

Step 3: Shake, shake, shake... shake your booty!
And I'm not talking about KC and the Sunshine Band! I'm talking about making sure the EYPBOD is not mearly dead, but it's really, most sincerely dead!

Step 4: Now you've done it!
You've made sure the EYPBOD is no longer a threat to anyone. Be proud. Look around! Show everyone the spoils of your victory!

Step 5: Be humble.
Yes, you must remember to be humble. You should be so humble that when they look in the dictionary for the definition of the word humble, it would show your picture, but you're too humble for even that. Be so humble that the word 'humble' can no longer be spoken, because you've used up all the humble left in the world, so now, people will have to say 'banana pudding' when they want to say someone is humble (which is not to be confused with humble pie (which was named after a pie filled with liver, heart and other offal, especially of cow but often deer or boar.)!

Step 6: Run away!!
I forgot to tell you that sometime the heathens (see Step 1) are not very happy that you have destroyed their EYPBOD! They are under the spell of the EYPBOD! The EYPBOD controls their every thought and action.
So make sure that you can run fast back to your house while you're carrying the EYPBOD! Then when you get home, make sure you hide the EYPBOD from the tall guy, because if you don't, he will take it away from you when you start chewing on it and it just happens to start coming apart and leaving little EYPBOD pieces all over the place!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

November 28, 2009

Well I am exhausted!

All the Thanksgiving Fs (Food, Football, Fun) have just worn me out.
And then look at what I found on the Internets:

You can read about him HERE.
Just don't tell the tall guy
or he'll make me get a job
to replace his sunglasses which somehow
got a little chewed on yesterday.

Friday, November 27, 2009

November 27, 2009

Yes, it was horrible!!

As you can see below,
when the tall guy was gone on his 'VACATION',
I had to resort to eating sticks!

The person watching me would only feed me like 2 times a day
and hardly gave me any daily snacks at all
(only like 2 or 3 cookies and some apples and carrots!)
I'm surprised I didn't waste away to nothing!!!

to add insult to injury,
I snuck on the tall guy's computer last night,
and what did I find?


So, do not believe your peoples when they tell you
that puppies can not go to the Grand Canyon.
Someone owes me a VACATION!

Notes from the tall guy:
1) Yes, puppies (and dogs - I'm not sure about cats) are allowed at the Grand Canyon BUT, they can not stay in the rooms at the Grand Canyon. They have to stay in a kennel. Jack would not like a kennel. And the people who would have had to take care of Jack in the kennel would not like Jack in the kennel either!

2) I am only putting up one picture of the Grand Canyon. If you have seen the Grand Canyon, you know that most pictures do not do it justice. And if you HAVEN'T seen the Grand Canyon, just know that most pictures do not do it justice!

3) Here is a picture of a stream we passed on the way into Sedona. If you ever go to Sedona from the Grand Canyon, make sure you take Highway 89A to Sedona instead of Interstate 17. It is truly a wonderful drive.

4) This is NOT the Grand Canyon. This is a picture of a chapel in Sedona. It is built high on the side of one of the hills. It is pretty unique. And yes, the rocks really are that red. Evidently, there is a lot of iron in the rocks which give them that color!

Unfortunately, someone has built a HUGE (and I do mean HUGE) house near the chapel. The funny thing is that if you Google 'ugly house in Sedona', THIS is what comes up!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

November 26, 2009

Things I did NOT get to do
while the tall guy was on vacation

I did NOT get to play goalie for the São Paulo Futebol Clube of Brazil!

Things I DID get to do
while the tall guy was on vacation

He didn't like the ending anyway!


Here's wishing your family a very

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

November 25, 2009

HURRAY! He's finally back!!

I did my happy butt dance for like 45 minutes when he FINALLY decided to come back.
I was so excited to see the tall guy, I forgot to ask him if he brought me anything.
Can you guess what he brought me?

If your person asks if you want to watch a slide show of their vacation pictures,
the answer is NO THANK YOU!
Unless of course you have nothing to do for like 800 hours.
And if you fall asleep during the slide show,
you will have to watch it
just in case you missed something.

So, here's a saying to help you remember:
If there's a slide show you must see,
Before it starts, make sure you pee!
And when the lights get turned down low,
That's a signal for you to GO!

Note from the tall guy: It wasn't 800 hours. Besides, 2392 pictures can't do full justice to the GRAND CANYON/SEDONA. Each picture tells a story, or there's a story you have to tell with each picture, or something like that.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

November 24, 2009

This is NOT the Graham Canyon!

These are some of the mountains out near the puppy park, where the tall guy COULD take me if he was back home!

But he's not. He said he would be home when the numbers on the stove said 12:00. I know what a 1 is and a 2 is and a 0 is, but I don't know what number the : is. So for all I know that might be like a million 'be right backs'!

So, here's my plan. I took a picture of me looking pitiful because I don't have anyone to play ball with. Then I am going to put it on my blog so the tall guy will see it and rush home. I'll let you know if it works!

Me, looking pitiful!

P.S. The tall guy said he was at the GRAHAM CANYON with his sister. I didn't even know he HAD a sister. What other secrets is he keeping from me?

Monday, November 23, 2009

November 23, 2009

Some sorta good news.

Well, I would like to thank everyone who helped me look for the tall guy. He FINALLY called and told me where he was. He said he was on vacation at a placed called the GRAHAM CANYON. I did not know what a GRAHAM CANYON is, so I looked it up online.

(Oops, I think he may be confused. He's probably at the GRAND Canyon.) Well, it seems that a canyon is like a really big hole in the ground. So, I decided that if he is in a hole, I had better go find him.

Nope, no tall guy!

He said he would be back home tomorrow. Well, tomorrow sounds like a long long time! I want him to be back home now! So, if you see him at the GRAND GRAHAM CANYON, would you please tell him to get his butt back home? (And you can use those exact words!!) I need to talk to him about this vacation stuff!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

November 22, 2009

Have you seen my tall guy?

He left yesterday afternoon and told me he would be right back! BUT, he took some extra clothes with him in a box with wheels on it. And then he didn't come right back! I have someone here watching me, so I'm not alone, but I sure would like to know why the tall guy went somewhere and didn't take me! So if you see him, please tell him to call me and let me know where he is. I don't have a phone, but it doesn't matter!

I found this picture of him so you will recognize him if you see him.

That's him on the right.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

November 21, 2009

Air Kisses
Mwah! Mwah!

And you'll need one of these whenever you have to go.
No, not when you have to go home,
you know, when you have to GO!

I told the tall guy to put this picture on here
just because I thought it was a pretty color.
It is called a bougainvillea and it out in front of our house.
He said if he didn't keep it cut back it would take over the house.
You are not allowed to eat it though.

Friday, November 20, 2009

November 20, 2009

Ode to a dead soccer ball

Oh soccer ball,
you were so round,
but now you're almost flat.

Your insides now are outsides,
Your shape is not so fat.

But I will play with you, old ball,
until I have to go.

And then, dear friend,
I'll leave you here
for someone else to throw.

For soon another puppy,
will find you in the grass.
O won't you let him play with you,
and let him sniff your...

It was always going to be COVER.
And shame on you for thinking otherwise! :)

And just because it's got a bunch of puppies in it:

Thursday, November 19, 2009

November 19, 2009

A Consumer Alert!

I think there should be a requirement that all sticks have labels.
Some of them taste pretty funky!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

November 18, 2009

The Balloon Tree

The other day I found a ball on the ground. It wasn't your usual ball. It was soft and didn't bounce very far. The tall guy said that it was a balloon. As a matter of fact, he said it was a magic balloon. I asked him where these magic balloons come from and he said they came from the balloon tree.

"Balloon tree?", I scoffed. "There's no such thing as a balloon tree!"

"Oh yes", the tall guy said, "all people and their puppies have their own balloon tree. One day, when you have been a very especially good puppy, we will find ours. Some puppies never have anyone to help them find their tree. But it is not an ordinary balloon tree - it is a MAGIC balloon tree. It is magic because it talks to me. Once we have found our tree, it tells me how lucky I am to have found each YOU!"

Well, guess what?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

November 17, 2009

Things you can do
when you find half of
a plastic ball on the ground!

You can pretend like you are a rugby player
in a scrum while wearing a mouth guard!

You can put it in your mouth and make it look
like you are sticking out your tongue at people
so they will go
"What an odd tongue that puppy has!"

You can pretend that you are taking part
in a Japanese tea ceremony.
Watch out - the tea is HOT!

Put it on the side of your mouth
so that people will think you have one really big tooth
and need to go to the dentist!

Or you can just chew on it until the tall guy tells you to drop it!

Monday, November 16, 2009

November 16, 2009

Pardon me, is this your towel?

I think you may have dropped your towel.

Excuse me, is this yours?

Mmmfmm me, mmfmm your towelmmfr?

Mmmmfmmfmmfm fmmmfmm fmmmf mmmmffffmmmfmm towlmmfmrmrm?

Excuse me, I think this is MY towel.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

November 15, 2009

More from the Dog Show!

I know that many of you like looking at puppies so I asked the tall guy if I could put up some more pictures of puppies from the Dog Show. He didn't take that many pictures of me because he said he could always take pictures of me. I guess that's ok - this time!

Here is another picture of my mom, Cassie. I think she's wearing orange and white to support the Tennessee football team. Then again, it may be that orange is just her color! Note: You should ALWAYS put up pictures of your mom and dad whenever you can!

The tall guy said this was an afghan (Note from the tall guy: I obviously have no idea what I'm talking about. I found out, via the comments, that the beautiful dog below is an Irish Setter! However, I won't tell Jack as it will mess up his bad jokes which only work if he thinks it is an afghan!). I told him someone was really knew how to crochet! I guess it's a good thing there's not a McDonalds on the way back home from the dog show! Almost all the afghans we saw at the dog show were this color. I don't know how you would be able to tell them apart!

Here is another of the non-crocheted afghans. She was very elegant. She sat like that for a long time and didn't even move. Hmmmm, maybe she WAS crocheted!

Here was a nice guy, but someone stole his tail! I wonder if he is looking to see if he could find out who got it!

And here is another pictures of some of the RVs that we saw. I think the tall guy was more amazed at the number of RVs than with the puppies. We saw one RV that was overrun with beagles - there must have been over 20 beagles just running around. They were all outside in pens next to their RV. I guess if you had 20 brothers and sisters and cousins, you wouldn't need to go to the puppy park. The tall guy didn't get a picture of all the beagles because some of them were taking a bath and he wanted to respect their privacy! I'll have to remind him of that next time I'm all wet!