Januar 31, 2010

Blogging is hard work!!

January 30, 2010

A Revolutionary Announcement!!!

Jack, in conjunction with Apple and Steve Jobs,
would like to announce the all-new, all magnificent

iPawd

Starting at only 300 cookies!

The best way to experience all your puppy blogs,
peemail, kitty photos, and embarrassing videos
of your peoples doing silly things. Paws down.

Imagine being able to paw through
the your puppy's website, leave a peemail, wag your tail
through millions of photos of your furiends, or watch a movie about me, Jack!.
All on a big, beautiful, Multi-Lick screen. With just
the touch of a paw (or nose).

And unlike the other product
(with a similar name),
the iPawd is available TODAY!
Place your order now!
Click HERE to order.

January 29, 2010

The tall guy said he had read too many books about dogs where the dog decides he wants to 'go live on a farm' somewhere at the end of the book, like Marley and Me. So, he said he wants to write a book about a puppy where everyone is still alive at the end of the book! I told him that sounded like a good idea to me.

I told him to make sure that the main character was a young handsome puppy who was always happy, liked to play, eat plastic bottles, dig holes and wag his tail a lot. He said he didn't know any puppies like that, but he did know one that needed to listen more and stop bothering him while he was trying to watch House. I told him with that attitude he would never get finished writing a book and just to make sure that I wasn't in it or else I would contact my attorney for defamation of character. He said just for that, he would include a character named Jack but that it would be a CAT! Can you believe that? A cat named Jack.

It would be a complete work of fiction, obviously!

January 28, 2010

We join our intrepid Indiana Jack as he looks for
the 'Lost Treasure of the Puppy Park Pit'!

Be careful!! It might cave in on you!!

We must find the treasure before the evil 'Legion of Squirrels' finds it!

I'll dig until my paws fall off if I have to!
No hole will be too deep for me to crawl into!

Will Indiana Jack find the lost treasure?
Will he escape from the collapsing sand pit of death?
Will he be able to keep blogging?

???

(Note from the tall guy: At the park today, Jack started digging furiously. He normally digs, but today it was like he was on a mission. He kept going and going. Then, about a foot down (deeper than in the 3rd picture), he finally found what he was looking for. It was a small plastic toy shovel like you would find children using at the beach. So, somehow, Jack 'knew' that the shovel was buried that deep in the dirt. I don't think it had any smell, but then again, I'm not a dog! I tried to get a picture when it found it, but I only had my iPhone and by the time I got ready to take the picture, he had discarded the shovel and was ready to move on to his next adventure!)

January 27, 2010

The Electricity Blanket

The tall guy has a warm heart but very cold feet. Especially at night. I'm talking icebergs. I'm talking 'The Titanic had better not come by his bedroom when he's asleep' cold. So, he bought this wonderful invention called the electricity blanket.

I do not get to sleep on the electricity blanket because I would then be sleeping on his feet and he could not run the marathon in his dreams like he does every night! You have to plug the electricity blanket into the holes in the walls so it can get warm. When I was a puppy, I would have chewed on all the wires in the electricity blanket, but now that I am older, I know that you do not chew on the wires or you will get, let's see, how does the tall guy put it, 'If you chew on the wires, you will get sparks flying out of your butt!'. I prefer my butt to be spark-free thank you.

However, as you can see above, when the tall guy gets out of bed, I get to lay on the electricity blanket. It is nice and toasty and is a very nice place to be for your mid-morning 'before your 3rd walk of the day pre-lunchtime snack' nap.

So, ask your peoples to get you an electricity blanket as well. But don't eat the wires.

January 26, 2010

Is that bubble gum?

Can I have some?
Just a little bit?

Oh come on, you won't even miss it.
I like to blow bubbles!

JUST ONE LITTLE BIT!!!
Enough for one bubble!

(Heh, heh, heh!!)

January 25, 2010

THE NATIONAL PERSPIRER
Sticking our nose in...

Boy, the things you find out when you read the puppy blogs.

SCANDALOUS!!! STEAMY!!! SHOCKING!!!

Too bad there's none of that.

But you can find out some pretty interesting secrets, like:

• Which puppy has joined a
gang and has been seen
headed toward South Florida
partying all the way?

• Which puppy has developed a
split personality? What a CAT-astrophe!!

• Which puppy would
like to be the GRRRR-eater
at Home Depot?

• Which puppy's mom
has relatives who
think it's ok to go swimming
almost COMPLETELY NAKED?

and finally,
• Which honorary puppy of the feline persuasion
INSISTS on
completely privacy when
she's SHARING THE BATHROOM
WITH A MAN?

January 24, 2010

If a squirrel can do it,
so can I!

Let's see, if I just put one foot here and then put my other foot here and then push with my tail...

What is so important that I tried to climb a tree?


Is it an acorn?


Is it a t-bone steak?


Is it a new car?


No, it's a

Stick, stick,
I must get the stick.
Jump up into the air,
Just to get the stick.
Up and down and back again,
Just to get the stick.
All this jumping,
up and down,
I hope you don't get sick!

Hmmm, I wonder how that stick got up there in the first place?
I thought I saw it lying on the ground when we got here, and then the tall guy walked by...
Hmmm, I wonder if it was a hurricane that blew it up into the tree?
Or maybe a big bird came by and picked it up to build its nest.
Or maybe the tall guy put it up there because he got tired of me picking it up
and chewing on it.

I guess it's just a mystery!
Scooby Doo, where are you?

January 23, 2010

I can not believe my eyeballs!

We (the tall guy and I) were at home yesterday, having a very nice calm relaxing afternoon, listening to some music on the computer (music is like television but without pictures), when all of a sudden, the tall guy starts jumping around and screaming like he had been bitten on the butt by one of those bugs!

I jumped up off the couch to see if I could find the bug and pull it off of him, but, upon inspection, he was BUG-LESS!

"What's wrong?", I asked.

"Huh?", he replied.

"Why are you jumping and screaming? Are you in horrible agonizing pain?"

"No", he replied. "I'm singing!"

"Why are you shaking like you're having a fit?"

"HA!", he laughed. "I'm dancing!"

"What is this singing and dancing?", I asked, "and why is it causing you so much pain?"

"I'm not in pain - I'm just happy. You know, like when we chase the ball and you shake your butt because you get so excited!"

"First", I replied, "I do not SHAKE MY BUTT when I get excited. I wag my tail. It's two completely different parts of my body. And two, you're not very good at it whatever it is."

So....

Please send any extra cookies you have this week to me. It doesn't look like I'll be getting very many treats this week. And send pillows. And gently used toys. And maybe even water, unless I can figure out how to work the faucet.

Oh, and when your peoples start to sing and dance, tell them they are great. American Idol great (not the ones they show when they are making fun of people, but 'You're going to Hollywood' great). Just a bit of advice. You can thank me later!

(From the tall guy: Just in case I didn't get around to your blog, I want to thank everyone for their kind advice yesterday! Sometimes it's good to be able to talk to your friends, even if you've never met them before!)

January 22, 2010

I don't think that is

biologically possible!

You know how sometimes you go to the grocery store and someone just keeps following you around and jumping up on your back and putting stuff in your cart and just won't leave you alone? Well, something similar happened to me at the puppy park yesterday.

There are two big dogs (let's just call them 'NOODLES' and not those little miniature NOODLES, I'm talking the regular-sized ones) who will not leave me alone when I go to the puppy park if they are there. They are all the time climbing on me and jumping on me, even when I'm trying to play with another puppy or get a drink of water. And I don't mean just for a minute or two. I'm talking CONSTANTLY. It's like I'm covered in some sort of NOODLE-attracting scent that just drives them crazy.

The first time it happened, the tall guy just watched for about 5 minutes to see what I would do and then looked to see if the owner of the NOODLES was going to do anything. I mean I couldn't even chase the frisbee without one of them coming and climbing up on me. After the tall guy realized the other guy wasn't going to do anything, we left the park.

The second time it happened, we just got to the park and they started again. The other guy still didn't do anything, so after about 5 minutes, we left again. I didn't even get to try to play with any of the other puppies.

WELL (and I think you can see where this is going), we went back yesterday and BOOM - I'm a NOODLE magnet. So after a few minutes, the tall guy asked the other guy if he would do something about his dogs pestering me. You would have thought he asked the other guy to kick his dog in the head! The other guy started yelling and cussing (he said the tall guy's mother was a female dog) and said that he wasn't going to do anything because they were just dogs and that's what dogs do. The other guy asked the tall guy what did he want him to do. The tall guy said the other guy could control his dogs or leave. OH MY! The other guy said he wasn't going to do anything and that the TALL GUY could leave. TG explained that he had already left twice and that if he wouldn't hold his dogs that the tall guy would. Finally, the tall guy told the man that he did not need to yell and cuss at him. So the other guy pouted around for a few more minutes and then left. But you could tell he was not a happy camper!

Now, the tall guy understands that some dogs like to play 'King of the Mounting' with other dogs and that is something that I just need to take care of myself (usually, I just sit down until they decide to stop) and then we can play again. But this is a little different in that the NOODLES never stop, even if I go to the other end of the park. Someone said that I would learn to turn around and get mad at the dogs when they do that, but the tall guy is glad that I'm not the kind of puppy who will do that.

So, what have we learned from this? 1) Sometimes it doesn't do any good to ask someone to be responsible (but sometimes it does). 2) Some peoples don't think their dogs are the problem. 3) If someone does start yelling at you, don't yell back. It just makes them look silly, AND 4) It does no good to argue with a drunk, because the drunk doesn't care and it just makes you madder (we didn't learn this at the park - but the tall guy told me to put it in anyway!)

(From the tall guy: I told Jack he was writing too much, but he's still a little perturbed about the whole situation. It's no exaggeration - the other dogs simply will not stop humping him. It's not sexual - it's obviously a domination thing, but it is so bad that Jack can only try to run away from them when we're at the park. So I will ask you: What would you have done in that situation?)

January 21, 2010

Jack Answers
YOUR Questions!

Today, I'm going to take some time away from my usual exciting life to answer a few of your questions.

To Mrs. H. R., in Synecdoche, New York:
Yes

To Mrs. J. P., in Walla-Walla, Washington:
1/4 stick of unsalted butter

To the Oberon twins of Poughkeepsie, New York:
x = 3y + 2

and finally,
To Mr. and Mrs. M. B., of WaKeeny, Kansas:
That is a wonderful idea. I will definitely try that!

So there you have it. Another episode of 'Jack Answers YOUR Questions!'.

Tune in next time for Tips on How Not to Get Angry at the Puppy Park, with our special guest - the Tall Guy!

See you then!

January 20, 2010

Remember When??

Remember the episode of The Andy Griffith Show where
Opie decides he is going to run away from home?

Well, this has absolutely nothing to do with that.

The tall guy took this picture when we were out walking near the house.
We have to be careful when we are out walking here
because of the BUGS!

BUGS!!

These are the most evil things ever in the world. I have gotten attacked by them two times
and the tall guy risked his entire life to get them off of me.
So now when we are out walking, he reminds me to watch out for the bugs.
It would be easy if they stayed together like in the picture
but they break off into pieces and blow around.

I even got stuck by one out at the park.
You have to stand very still when the tall guy is trying to get it off of you,
but it still hurts him very much.
So, please be careful when you are out walking
and make sure you watch out for the bugs.

This has been another PUPPY SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
from Jack!

January 19, 2010

I know you might find this hard to believe...

(Note the edge of the Frisbee isn't quite round any more.)

I know it's hard to believe that such a cute puppy as myself could sometimes forget to be 'practically perfect in every way', but, yes, it does sometimes happen.

I was reading about Remington and his very tiny slight lapse of goodness when the tall guy reminded me that I had done practically the same thing today at the park.

It seems that he had taken me off my string so I could chase the ball when I saw a youngster riding a bicycle, so I decided I needed to go say hello to him. Then I saw a guy sitting on a bench eating breakfast so I decided I REALLY needed to go say hello to him. The breakfast guy saw the tall guy running up to get me so he talked to me for the TWO seconds it took the tall guy to get there.

I was then placed in handcuffs and thrown into the paddy wagon and taken to the hoosegow!

(Me in jail - I had this picture smuggled out so you could see my plight!
It cost me 10 cookies AND I think I have to get a tattoo!)

Well, actually, the tall guy just put the string back on me and took me to the car. He said something about being "MOR-DI-FIED". I don't know what "MOR-DI-FIED" means (cause I can't find it in the dictionary - I may not be spelling it correctly), but needless to say, "MOR-DI-FIED" is not a good thing.

So, dear kind Remington, take solace in knowing that you are not alone.

And I have no idea how the Frisbee got broken. It was that way when I found it!

January 18, 2010

I smell better than you do!

http://www.clublabrador.com/labradors-sense-of-smell/

Sometimes when I was out walking with the tall guy, I didn't understand
why he just walked by all these amazing smells.
Then I read this article and now I understand.

This also explains why I sometimes have to
leave the room when he's watching tv.

January 17, 2009

Am I supposed to be
interested in this??
(A very short video)

Sometimes I think the tall guy does stuff just to see how I will react
so he can make a movie out of it.

This was one of those times.

It's not a real dog on the computer.
It's a VIDEO!
Duh...

So next time your peoples try to get you to
interact with the puppies/kittens on the computer,
just give them your
'Jack told me you would try this!' look
and walk away!

And then make them give you a treat for wasting your time!

If you're looking for an INTERESTING video,
look here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MFzcl-kZHo
I hope we don't have any of those earthquake things here!

January 16, 2010

Where do YOU sleep?

I've got several places in the house where I like to sleep. So here's my top 8 list:

8. On the old couch
It wasn't the old couch until I started sleeping on it.
I think we need a bigger old couch,
or I need to stop growing!


7. On the rug in front of the new couch,
usually when the tall guy
is watching the HGTVs.


6. On the new couch,
which evidently will soon become the old couch.
Notice the built-in ear rest.

5. In front of the refrigerator,
in case someone tries to get something out to eat.

4. In front of the pantry,
in case someone tries to get something out to eat
when they can't get anything out of the fridge.

3. In the tall guy's bedroom on the floor,
but only when I need some ME time.

2. In the bed next to the tall guy
(He loves it when I run in my sleep -
he says it's like having a vibrating bed
without having to put in the quarter!
I had evidently just woken up in this picture.
I have NO idea how that torn up paper got there.
I think we have squirrels running amok in the house!)

and my number one most favorite place of all to sleep:

1. On the tall guy's head
when HE'S trying to sleep.
(Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of this.
Mr. Grumpy doesn't find this very amusing!)

So there's my top 8 (why only 8 and not 10? I have no idea).
So where do YOU like to sleep?

January 15, 2010

Jack
(Rated PG)

I have decided to become an underwear model! The tall guy got me a new thing to wear.
He said it keeps me from pulling my string when we are out walking.
It is called an Easy Walk.
(I know that because it's got the name on the side.)

I told him that if he would hurry when we walked,
I wouldn't need to pull on the string.
He said it didn't work that way.

So now, if you're ready,
here I am in all my glory:

He likes it better than a regular harness.
He said I looked like I was a fashion plate!
I told him I looked so good,
I was more like a fashion platter!

He said if I kept talking like that,
he would go back and get the pink Easy Walk.
I told him to go ahead,
cause I would make even the pink one look good.

I asked him when I would be able to go on walks without the string.
He said when it got below 32 temperatures in Michigan.
So, if any of you live in Michigan,
please let me know how many temperatures it is there.
Thank you!

(Note from the tall guy:
The Easy Walk is great. It really keeps Jack from pulling when we are out walking. It doesn't stop jumping, however. I like it because it doesn't go around his throat so if he does take off running (i.e., after anything blowing around on the ground, walks when it's windy are SO MUCH FUN), he doesn't get yanked back when he reaches the end of his leash.

And, since I'm talking about things that actually work for Jack, I've found a chew toy that Jack hasn't chewed through yet. It's called a Hurley and it's done pretty well so far. It's not hard like a Nylabone, so you don't get all the sharp plastic sticking out where he's chewed through it, but it's not soft plastic, that he can tear into pieces in seconds. It's not his favorite chew toy (simply because he can't tear it into pieces), but it's lasted over a week and around here, that's rare!

And now for your listening enjoyment:



Don't you just love the Internet? :)

January 14, 2010

JackLibs!

The tall guy and I played a game the other night called MadLibs, and we had so much fun, I thought I would steal the idea and come up with a completely original game called JackLibs which is something I just now thought up and not a copyright infringement at all!

It's a very easy game to play. All you have to do is come up with a word that fits a category and then we will make up a story using your words. Get a pencil ready so you can write down your answers! Here we go!

====
1) Name of a very handsome puppy who lives with the tall guy and has a blog and invented a game called JackLibs (Proper Noun): ______________
====

And there you have it. Now we will make up a story using the word that you came up with! Just fill in the blanks in the story below with the word you wrote down above.

**********

A Story About __________

There once was a very handsome puppy named __________. __________ lived in a very nice house that probably cost the tall guy a lot of __________. They loved each other very much and spent most of their time reading the blogs of all their online friends and then playing ________s. One day when ___________ and the tall guy were out riding in their car, they got a flat tire. Well, the handsome puppy (named _________) decided he would help the tall guy, so he got the _________ out of the car and changed the tire. Well, the tall guy was so impressed that he said they should go to England and hoist the Union __________ in honor of ______. But first, the tall guy said he had to make some money. He had to hurry in case the airlines decided to ______ up the prices. So, he found a stranger standing next to the road and said "Hey, stranger, would you like to cut cards so that I can get some money to take ________ to England?" "Sure", said the stranger, so they started. The stranger flipped over his card and it was a TEN! Well, the tall guy knew he had to do better than that so he flipped over his card and, well what do you know!!! It was a







"YEA! I won", said the tall guy. "Uh, no you didn't", said the stranger.

So what is the moral of this story?

The tall guy don't know __________ about cutting cards!!

January 13, 2010

Somehow, I don't think this
is what Madonna was talking about!

Warning!!
This story is not for the squeamish, children, or most men!

Well, I thought I had heard of everything,
but now I find out that puppies have something called
'Hey Now Glands'.

These 'Hey Now Glands' are not somewhere
that you can get to very easily,
and sometimes they can get clogged up!

The tall guy noticed that I was
paying a little more attention to my posterior
than I usually do, so he decided that
we had better go see the vegetarian
and have it checked out!
(I like going to the vegetarian - she is very nice!)

WELL!!!
I will not go into the things that she did,
but let me tell you,
I should've at least gotten dinner and a movie afterwards!
Butt (LOL) now I feel much better.

So,
if you feel clogged up,
go see your vegetarian.
You'll be glad you did!

Note from the tall guy:
I'm not EVEN going to expand on what Jack has said.
But, I told the VETERINARIAN (vegetarian, sheesh!)
that this is one of the things I'll gladly pay for
if it needs to be done again in the future!

Just a slight update, based on some of the comments:
Jack never did the 'scooting on the floor' trick,
but I could tell something was bothering him.
Fortunately, we got in to see the vet before she closed.

January 12, 2010

Who needs snow
when you've got dead grass to roll around in?

Sometimes when I am outside, I simply like to lie around and smell the world go by. It is especially nice when I'm out lying on what used to be called grass. The tall guy says it is now called 'Jack, stop rolling around on the ground or else you'll have to take a bath when we get home!' This seems like an awfully long name for dead grass, but maybe it's a scientific term or something. I have learned a few interesting facts about Cynodon dactylon (scientific name: JSRAOTGOEYHTTABWWGH) which I would like to share with you.

If you roll around long enough, the grass will cover up your bald spots

(if you have any).
I know one or two puppies who could use this trick
after they've been to the barber shop

I'm trying to do this.
But I'm not quite there yet.
Yoga is hard,
especially on dead grass!

Lordy, lordy, lordy!
(That's what the tall guy said HIS mom would say to him when he was being silly!)
Dead grass tickles!

Don't even THINK about heading back to the car yet.
I'm waiting for someone to tell me how handsome I look!
Especially with my luxurious shiny hair against the dead grass.

What do you mean I'm looking COY?
My name is Jack!
Oh, coquettish.
Why didn't you say so?!
I would like me some salmon coquettishes.
What???
Well, like I'm supposed to know the difference!

So, there you have it.
Make sure next time you're outside that you get some dead grass
to bring back in your house with you.
And some of those salmon things too!

January 11, 2010

Did you find me yet?

Nope, not at the puppy park!

Nope, not playing in the snow!

Nope, not at the Graham Canyon!

Not even at my favorite tree!


Give up??



Here I am!!

I've been hiding down at the bottom of this page
all the time!!
I'm glad you finally found me!

January 10, 2010

Ah, there you are.
I found you!!

You did pretty good that time.
I had to look for you for a whole day!
But I figured you'd come back here,
so I decided just to wait.
And when you came back,
I found you!!

So, now it's my turn to hide
while you count.

January 9, 2010

Will you play

Hide-And-Seek with me?

You will??
Great!
I'll close my eyes
and count to 100.

... 98, 99, 100.

Hey, you didn't hide. :(
I can still see you there sitting at your computer!

You have to hide better than that!!
Go ahead, I'll wait...

=====
Question from the tall guy:
Before you go hide from Jack, I've got a question. Since it's been shown that the people who read Jack's blog are among the top 1% in intelligence in the world, can anyone please tell me what kind of bird this is?
We saw it while we were out walking. Google says it's a scarlet tanager, but I thought I'd ask someone who might actually know! (The picture should blow up pretty big if you click on it!)


We also saw a vibrant turquoise bird this morning, but it flew away before I could get a good picture of it. Thank you in advance for your help!

PS - This was a lucky shot. The bird had been sitting on a limb and decided to take off right as I decided to take the picture. So, instead of the picture I thought I got of the bird sitting on a limb, this was the shot I got.

January 8, 2010

Hooray for Hollywood!

Here's a suggestion to all you new puppies:
Change your name to NETFLIX. Your peoples will spend hours and hours with you and you might even get some popcorn as an extra bonus!

The tall guy has decided that he is going to watch every movie that is available on Netflix. Even worse, he can now watch them on his computer and not even have to wait for them to come in the mail. (If you're the puppy who goes out to get the mail and you see a red envelope, don't bring it in the house.) I think if he had a refrigerator and a tv in the bathroom, we would never see him again!

I decided that the only way I'm going to get any attention around here is to move to Hollywood and get in the movies myself.

'Mer' and I (she said I could call her 'Mer') got to be such good friends when we made 'Jack and Julia' that I just couldn't say no when she asked me to be in 'Fantastic Mr. Fox' even though it was just a supporting role.

So, next time you're at the movies, keep an eye out for me. I've got an audition for the part of 'Alien #3' coming up soon!