Playing With Your New Fuzzy Toy!
It has come to my attention that some of you puppies may not know how to play with your new fuzzy toys. Well, if you follow my easy instructions, you can practically guarantee that you will be getting a lot of new fuzzy toys in the future!
Step 1) Tear off the tags. Tags is evil. Tags is worse than squirrels. (By the way, this goes for all tags - tags on pillows, tags on underwears, or tags on expensive leather couches. Tags MUST BE DESTROYED!)
2) Tear off any strings on your new fuzzy toys. Strings do not belong on your toys. Strings are for cats who are more easily entertained than us puppies!
3) Tear off any ears, legs, tails or any other extraneous parts of the new fuzzy toy. Fuzzy toys do not need ears or noses. Make sure you chew them up really well. You should chew them until your person says 'Would you please stop leaving those pieces of disgusting junk all over the floor?'. If you are really good, you can hide a few of the pieces around the house for your person to find over the next few weeks. They really like it when you do that!
4) Now comes the fun part. All of your new fuzzy toys are filled with fuzz (DUH!!). You will be AMAZED at how much fuzz is on the inside of your new fuzzy toy. There is so much fuzz that you can leave fuzz all over the living room AND the kitchen AND the bedroom and still have more fuzz left. (But do not eat the fuzz, cause it doesn't taste all that good.) Make sure you pull out as much fuzz as you can. You will know when you have pulled out enough fuzz when your person screams and takes away your new fuzzy toy and puts it in the kitchen cabinet high up on a shelf where you can't reach it.
NOTE: It is really good if you can do steps 1 - 4 in the first 10 minutes after you get your new fuzzy toy. After all, you shouldn't be expected to play with the same toy day after day!
5) Your person will feel guilty because they bought you a fuzzy toy that is now broken, so then they will take you back to the PetSmart and get you a new fuzzy toy!
So there you have it - Fuzzy Toy 101. And if your person asks you why you are destroying your new toy, tell them that Jack told you it was ok.
Next week: How to destroy an indestructible Big Chew Nylabone in less than 5 minutes!