December 24, 2010

How NOT to take
your Christmas Pictures
by Jack

I know that a lot of your peoples will take a bunch of pictures of you tomorrow because they get all excited when you tear up papers and boxes and throw stuff around because it is Christmas.

Sure, try it any other day of the year and see what you get! Nothing but heartache and grief!! And no cookies!! Especially if you do it because they left you at home while they went to get hamburgers and Pepsies, and didn't even bring you back a pickle or anything and then they find it when they come home and then scream when they walk into the bedroom and find the papers all over.

But, since they seem to enjoy watching you do it one day each year, make the best of it. Make a big mess. Put your head down in the box and get it stuck. They especially love this one. When they give you a toy, act like it's the best toy you have ever seen. But, when they give you a bag full of something to eat, say thank you and move on, because they are going to take that food away from you about as quick as they can and put it up in the cabinet where you MIGHT get to see it when they are looking for a glass for their chocolate milk. But I digress. We're talking about pictures.

First of all, none of this:

Nobody needs to see that. Even if yours DOES look like a heart. (Well, maybe it's ok if it looks like a heart!!)

Next, look at how you are sitting:

Do you think your friends on Facebook want to see you all splayed out like that?

Next, don't move when they are taking your picture. Don't move ANYTHING:

Just look at that. It looks like I got the Vibrating Teeths!!

And lastly, but most importantly, do not be eating no lemons before they take your picture because then your mouth will do this:

and I don't care how cute you are, you will not get on no Animal Planet teevee show with half of your lips sucked into your head!

So, there you have it. A few tips from your friend Jack. Now go to bed. It's almost Christmas.

PS: And remember to comb your hair when you wake up. You don't want to end up with the bedhead in all your pictures.