November 5, 2010

Huh??

Someone pointed out yesterday that my completely 100% original copyright pending image "Goodbye Puppy":

looks an awful lot like this character named, if you can believe it, "Hello Kitty":

I just don't see it.

For one thing, mine is a DOG, not a kitty.

And secondly, mine is saying GOODBYE, not HELLO. It's not even the same thing. You would look awfully strange if you came into a room and said GOODBYE, now wouldn't you?

And, thirdmost, look at my eyes. Now look at the two black dots on the second picture. I ask you, does that look the same? No!

Now maybe if it looked like this:

I could see a little tiny bit of a resemblance.

Besides, I've already started making the "Goodbye Puppy" diapers/vacuum cleaner bags!

November 4, 2010

Goodbye Puppy!!

I just thought of this great new thing.
It's called "Goodbye Puppy".
I don't know how I thought of it,
it just came into my head.
It is completely 100% entirely original
and is not based on any other
copyrighted animal-based character
and I don't even know how to use the Internets.

I can see it now,
all the clothes, lunchboxes, shoes, cartoons.

So order your 'Goodbye Puppy' stuff TODAY!!

I'm gonna make a fortune!

November 3, 2010

You're not going to eat
ALL of that are you???

The old 'head on the knee' is my favorite trick
to get something when the tall guy is eating.

Works EVERY time!!

But then again,
he goes and does this:


What kind of person would walk off and leave
an almost full plate of food
right under the nose
on my head?

He's PURE EVIL I tell you!!

And yes, he is eating at the computer table.
He does play on the Internets
while he's eating,
unless The Amazing Race is on.

November 2, 2010

OK, what's next?

Well yesterday was a very exciting day!
Let's see:

• Went to the dog store and got a new Wubba - Check
• Played with Wubba for about 2 minutes - Check
• Got Wubba taken away from me for trying to chew off the top - Check
• Listened to the "I'm not going to buy you any new toys if you keep destroying them in the first 5 minutes after you get them because I'm not made out of money" speech (again) - Check

• Went to the dog park - Check
• Had a 3 way tug contest with 2 other dogs - Check
• Splashed water on the lady sitting at the table near the water dishes - Check
• Pretended to be tired on the drive home so I could be ready when the kids came to take away all of MY candy - Check

• Had an early dinner in anticipation of the night's events - Check
• Got to bark every time someone came to the door for candy - Check
(Note: The tall guy said to emphasize the 'EVERY'. And to put an 'INCESSANTLY' after the word 'bark'.)
• Got a treat to try to keep me from barking every time someone came to the door - Check
• Didn't really stop me from barking - Check
• Scared one little boy when I barked after he came to the door - Check
• Watched a two foot tall Spiderman jump about 2 feet off the ground (see above) - Check

• Looked for candy that the kids had dropped when we went on our first walk this morning - Check
• Found 1 orange Tootsie Roll - Check
• Had to drop the orange Tootsie Roll - Check

Wow, I did a lot!

And I'm ready for more!

November 1, 2010

Well, I wish someone had told me!!

We did not have no tricks-or-treaters come by the house
on Saturday night and you know why?

BECAUSE IT WAS NOT NO HALLOWEENS!!!

Halloweens was on Sunday night this year.
Well no one even told me.
So that was why I didn't get any candy.

Unfortunately, we had a LOT of
tricks-or-treaters come by last night
(including a few that I think were like 35 years old!)
and they et all the candies!

And you know what,
not one puppy came to our house.
I told the tall guy that if I had gone
out for tricks-or-treats,
I could have cleaned up and I would
have shared all my loot with him!

So here is what he gave me at the end of the night:

That's right.
Circus Peanuts.

Which, by the way, are neither circus-y or peanut-y.
As a matter of fact, the only '-y' they are is
NAST-Y!
But it's ok.
I made sure that I gave some back to him.
In his shoes.
After they had been chewed on a bit.

October 31, 2010

A Sad Halloweeny Poem
by Jack

I did not get no tricks or treats.
I am a real sad pup.
I did not get no candy corn.
Or peanut butter cups.

I did not get no Hershey bars,
or M&Ms or Crunch.
I did not get no gummy bears,
Or nothing else to munch.

No Tootsie Rolls, no Milky Way,
Not even bubble gum,
No Skittles, Sweet Tarts, Snickers bars,
I only wanted one!

So if tonight you chance to see,
A puppy at your door,
Make sure you give him something sweet,
Or something off your floor.

I guess I've learned my lesson,
And I have learned it well,
Next year, on Halloweeny night,
The tall guy can go to...


COSTCO and buy some candy just for me!

PS - If your peoples are really really old, they can go here:
http://www.oldtimecandy.com/
and find candy like they ate when they were growing up. It's not the SAME candy. Cause then it would be like 200 years old!

October 30, 2010

Now this is just getting silly!

Look, someone has turned me into a CATS. Not a cat, which might at least be bearable if I was like Madi or Oz, but no, they have turned me into a CATS.

Does this mean I have to go on tour?

It's not even one of the CATS who gets to dance and jump around. It's the CATS who sits down when he sings.

And to top it off, I can't even find the mini-Jack to try to make all of this stop.

October 29, 2010

OH MY DOGNESS!!!

Look at what happened to me!
I think I have been voodooed
and

October 28, 2010

OH NOES!!!!

Remember that toy that I found
yesterday that looks like me?

I thought it was pretty cool,
but then someone told me that it
might be
THE VOODOOS!!!

I don't even know what the voodoos is,
but it sure sounds scary enough to me.

They said that someone might
be trying to put the hex on me.
They might be trying
to scare the BEEJEEBERS
out of me.

I hope not.
I need my BEEJEEBERS.
I haven't used them yet,
but I might in the future!

So if you know anything
about the voodoos,
or how to make sure
I keep my BEEJEEBERS,
please let me know!!

October 27, 2010

I am FAMOUS!!

Look at what we found out on our walk this morning.


That's right. It's a mini-me!!
When you wag its tail, it moves its head.

Here's the mini-me and maxi-me:

So, if you would like your very own toy, just come with us on our walk. Maybe we'll find a mini-you!!

Oh, we also found a broken beer bottle, but that wasn't nearly as exciting.

October 26, 2010

From the Master of
HORROR!!!!

The tall guy seemed to think this was funny.
So maybe it's a horr-omedy.

I think I'll put HIS mattress on his head tonight :)

PS - You know I don't sleep in that thing right?
That's like a bed for a DOG!

October 25, 2010

For Your Consideration...

The tall guy got some new software and he said I could mess around with it. Unfortunately, he didn't show me how to get to all the videos on his computer, so I had to use one that you've already seen before. (So no, we did not get to go back to play in the water.)

What?

Oh, he said to tell you that it is the new version of iMovie that let's you make movie trailers from your video. He said to tell you that if I can do it, anyone can do it!

Hmmm, I might have to wake him up at 4AM tomorrow to see how he's sleeping!

October 24, 2010

I am a stick connoisseur!!

MMMMM, delicious. Woody with a hint of bark!

Nah.... this one is a little 'bit'ter.
(Someone already chewed on it. So it's BIT-ter, get it? :)

Well, I think this one is a little too big even for me!

Happy Sunday!

October 23, 2010

HURRAH!!!

Well, it appears that a lot of us will not have to wait until October 31st to decide where we want to sleep!! Many of you evidently already get to sleep with your peoples in their beds and even get to sleep on the couch whenever you like.

But, there are still some of our puppren and kittren who do NOT get to sleep anywhere they like. Some of them are locked in JAIL (crate-training my Aunt Patootie) and some of them even have to sleep on the FLOOR! (It's one thing to sleep on the floor when you WANT to, but it's just wrong that your peoples have a big old almost empty comfortable pillow-top California King mattress and they still want you to sleep on the floor.)

So for those less fortunate ones, I've created this SAYDWP card which can be used any time you want. If your peoples come home and catch you on the bed, just hand them this card. They have to let you stay there because IT IS AN OFFICIAL CARD (see, it says official right on it!). If they want to sit on the couch while you're taking a nap, well what can they do? You have an OFFICIAL CARD! (Unless they offer you a treat, like a cookie. But then you have to make up your own mind. It might be an OFFICIAL CARD, but you're not gonna turn down a cookie are you?)

So, tonight, when your peoples are asleep on THEIR HUGE $45000 CALIFORNIA KING PILLOW TOP MATTRESS, print out this card and cut it out with the scissors.
If you're not allowed to use the scissors, then just bite off the parts that you don't need.

And HAPPY SLEEPING!!

PS - If you already get to sleep wherever you want, you may want to print out the card and use it on these occasions: when you want to lie in the kitchen near the stove while your peoples are cooking, or when you want to go ride in the car and your peoples are trying to get to work and you're making them late, daggumit, or when you're enjoying a nice nap in the sun outside and your peoples want you to come in because it's time for their teevee show and if you don't come in now, you can just stay outside until the cows come home and you decide to stay outside and watch the cows, uh, come home. Cause you really like cows.

October 22, 2010

A PLAN,
you say??

I think that October 31st, that's right, HOWL-O-WEEN, should now be declared
SLEEP ANYWHERE YOU DARN WELL PLEASE DAY!

That's right, you want to sleep on the bed, then jump up there and sleep until you can't sleep no more! If your peoples are in there too, that's even better! They can make room.

You want to sleep on the good couch. What? It's very 'spensive leather and you'll get it dirty? It's SAYDWP Day!!! Go sprawl!

You want to sleep on the OTHER couch too? Go ahead. You have my permission! After all, it is SAYDWP Day!

If your peoples ask you what you're doing, tell them you got scared because of all the monsters that came to the door. And if they say those weren't really monsters, tell them that if they don't let you sleep wherever you darn well please, you might just have to tell someone that you know who it was that ate all the full-sized Reece's Cups which were supposed to be handed out to all the kids, but now they just got the little boxes of raisins!!

So remember, October 31st is now SAYDWP Day. Sleep anywhere you darn well please!!

October 21, 2010

Our D I V O R C E
became final today.

Me and little T A L L G U Y
will be going away...

Can you tell that the tall guy
has been listening to sad country music this week?
And no, no one is getting divorced.
It's just a song! :)

Actually he said he is feeling much better,
but for some reason, he gets a little upset
when I sleep next to him
and start running in my sleep.
Something about waking him up
because it feels like 200 horses are
jumping on the bed
and then it takes him 3 hours to get back to sleep
and blah blah blah,
I just stop listening when he gets like this.

So then I tried to sleep with my back next to his,
and then he gets upset because he can't move
and I'm on top of the covers
and his side gets sore and he's hot
because evidently I might be a tad warm
when I'm laying on top of him.

He said that some dogs do not even get to sleep
with their peoples and that some dogs
aren't even allowed to get on the BED!
Well, I think we need to change that.

So I have a plan...

October 20, 2010

Hear that lonesome whippoorwill,

He sounds too blue to fly.
The midnight train is whining low,
I`m so lonesome I could cry.

This song just makes me sad.
And I don't even know what it means!


PS - I'm not really sad. I'm just looking at something over yonder! :)

October 19, 2010

Well I never felt more like singing the blues,

Cause I never thought that I'd ever lose your love dear,
Why'd you do me this way?
Well I never felt more like crying all night
Cause everything's wrong and nothing ain't right
Without you.
You got me singing the blues.

- - Jack Williams

BOL
Not really.

I was just chewing on my new bone thing.
One of my two-a-versary presents!
PS - the tall guy said to tell you it lasted more than 5 minutes too!

October 18, 2010

Hey Do You Know What Today Is?
I'll give you a hint:

Yep, it's my two-a-versary!
Two years ago today, I got to come home
to live with the tall guy!

Wow, I was some kind of cute back then!

Hey, I had forgotten about my blanket.
That was my favorite blanket,
because it smelled like my mom.
I wonder where the tall guy put that?

That was also the night I had
something called
'splosive diarrhea'.
We had to get up like every 30 minutes
so I could go erupt from my back end.
That was SO COOL!!!
I looked like one of those chocolate fountains
you see at weddings.
(You can think of me from now on
when you see one of those things!)

So, this is the 730th time
I've wrote on the blog
(one time for every day since I've been here!)
The tall guy says that's a lot.
Well, to be honest,
the tall guy helped me a little when I started.
I wonder if I will get any presents?
(I wrote that just in case the tall guy is reading this.
Sometimes, I think he forgets!)

So happy two to me and the tall guy.
I think I'll keep him!

October 17, 2010

Today is
GO SPLORIN DAY!

We tried to go to the local park yesterday but it was filled with like 80 million children. It looked like all the children were playing with the soccer balls, so the tall guy said we couldn't go there because some of the children don't like it when I try to play ball with them.

So, we drove just a little bit more and what did we find?

Yep, we found a new park that I had never been to before. It was great and there weren't even no children at all there. As a matter of fact, there wasn't even nobody there, except for me and the tall guy. But there were lots and lots of new smells to smell. I could tell there were some dogs that had been there that I had not smelled before, so it was like I had found a new wine store! (Maison d'Labrador 2008)

So, today you should go splorin near your house and see if you can find a new place you haven't been to before. And if you find somewhere new, make sure you remember how you got there, because you want to go there again sometime and your peoples might not have brought their DPS (Dog-al Positioning System) with them!

October 16, 2010

IT"S THE DRF!!
(Dog Rasslin' Federation)

Sometimes us boys just have to go a bit crazy and get all of our energy out. The tall guy says it's something called BEEFARONI. (TG: I think he means TESTOSTERONI ....er.....TESTOSTERONE). Usually the girl dogs don't play so hard. I don't think that girls have beefaronis, I think they have the spaghetti-os.

Then again, maybe I'm just craving some Italian food.

October 15, 2010

Hey, Tall Guy!
Do you even SEE
what is happening here?

I am being eat alive and you just stand there taking pictures!
Do they have to pull off one of my legs
before you do anything?

No, I am kidding.
We were just playing.

This is my favorite kind of playing,
where you lay on the ground and roll around.
Especially in the shade.

Playing in the cool shade
keeps everyone from getting exhurted.
And there's nothing worse than having
a hot, panting exhurted dog stuck in the car
on a long ride home!

October 14, 2010

Answer Your Phone!

Does your peoples have a picture of you on their phone? This is what the tall guy sees every time he uses his phone.

I think it's pretty darn cool.

He says he has no idea how he got the picture of his phone screen but it just showed up the other day in his picture album (but now he does, because he just Googled it).

So go check your people's phone right now and make sure that your face is the first thing they see every time they need to call someone. It might remind them that it's been like 20 minutes since they gave you a cookie!

October 13, 2010

Yuck!
I almost eated a bug!

We were out walking at the park and I noticed something on the ground. I thought it was a pine comb. Not that I go around eating pine combs, but sometimes occasionally I might see what one tastes likes.

But then all of a sudden it moved.
Turns out it was some kind of horrible worm-apillar-bug.

You can't really tell from the picture, but it has all these spiky things on it.

And to think I almost eated it.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

October 12, 2010

Let's Play
What Am I Barking At?

The fabulous new game show
where YOU try to guess what I'm barking at!

Ready. Watch the first part of the video:

Can you guess what I am barking at?
You've got 1 second.

Oh, I'm sorry. Time's up!
Did you guess another dog?
Well, you are SO wrong! :)

Watch the rest of the video to see.

That's right. I'm barking at the plastic water bottle on the other side of the fence.

What's that? We didn't have any winners? Oh well. That fantastic trip to Hawai'i for 4 will just have to go back into the prize closet until next time.

So tune in again next time and be sure to play
What Am I Barking At?

Also available in our home version.
Just get a dog of your own and you're all set!

Oh, the tall guy said to tell you he took the videos with his iPhone, so that is why they are so skinny.

October 11, 2010

Things I Just Learned
by Jack

Sometimes when we go out on a walk, we go through these areas called 'washes'. It does not have nothing to do with washing your clothes or your dishes or even taking a bath. Actually, I do not know why they are called washes, as it is almost always dirt and rocks. Maybe they should call it rocky dirts. Or dirty rocks. Maybe that is why they call it a wash - there are so many dirty rocks that they need to be washed.

I also learned a very important thing on our last walk:

Do NOT jump over the dirt and pull the string so that the tall guy gets jerked when he is holding the string on the side where he got hurt. Unfortunately, he thought I was just going to climb over the dirt when he started to take the picture, but I got froggy and decided to jump.

Boy can he scream really loud!!

October 10, 2010

I won't be online much today.

I'll be out on one of my 93 walks today.

Someone owes me big time!

October 9, 2010

BUPKIS!!

So the tall guy FINALLY got back home last night
from the Salty Lake and what did he bring me?
NOTHING!
No cookies, no pie, no cake.
Not even a t-shirt that said
"Someone went to the Salty Lake
and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!"

Just for that, I'm gonna erase
"Modern Family"
AND
"Top Chef"
off the DVR.

Remember:
Your dog should always get presents,
every time you leave the house,
even if it's just to walk out
to the mailbox!!

October 8, 2010

ATGPBT!!
(All Tall Guy Pointy
Bulletin Thingy!!)

This is a special all tall guy bulletin. The tall guy was supposed to come back home today but he is not here yet. I may need to go to the Salty Lake and start looking for him. He had better not be in no hotel with a swimming pool is all that I have to say.

This is the last picture I have of him.

If you have any information about the tall guy, please contact somebody!! AND I didn't even get no cake!

What?

Oh. He's not supposed to be home until later tonight? Why didn't someone tell me?

Oh. They did tell me but I just forgot.

Well, he had better bring me some cake is all I got to say!

October 7, 2010

Well, now what am I supposed to do?

The tall guy just packed up his box with the wheels on it yesterday and just up and left. He said something about having to go to the Salty Lake.

I told him that I wanted to go to the Salty Lake too, but he said he had to go up in an airplane and that I would not like where I would have to stay when he was in the airplane. I asked him why couldn't I sit in the plane next to him and then he said that I needed to hush because he was laughing so hard that it was making his riblets hurt. He doesn't think I would be a good airplane passenger.

I would too be a good passenger. I would even watch the airline people when they were telling you about how to buckle your seat belt. And I wouldn't even ask for extra peanuts or eat the ones that people dropped on the floor.

So, if any of you are near the Salty Lake and see some guy hobbling down the street pulling his box with the wheels on it, would you tell him to hurry home? Thank you.

October 6, 2010

Getting ready for
HOWLoween!

I noticed that some of you have already started picking out your costumes for Howloween.
Since my job is staying home and helping to hand out the candy, I want to be able to scare the kids when they come to the door. Here's what I'm working on.
First I come to to door all nice and sweet:

Then I jump at them and go 'BOO!"

What do you think? Scary huh!!!

October 5, 2010

Ain't them the breaks!

I stepped on a thorn yesterday at the park
and now my foot hurts.
I am mad at the world right now!

Oh and the tall guy says he is feeling a little better thank you and to stop jumping on the bed when he's trying to sleep because it hurts and not to lick his face when he's asleep either because then he jumps back and twists his back and it makes it hurt even more.

Needless to say, we are both a bunch of grumpy gusses today!

October 4, 2010

A Monday Poem
by Jack

I think that I
shall never see
a branch too big
come from a tree
that I can't carry
and run so quick.
So give me a tree limb
and not a stick!

October 3, 2010

It's a calling...

(Note from the tall guy: Oh dear God, someone help me!)

October 2, 2010

SHEESH!

A little bit of agonizing, excruciating pain
does make some people crabby!

I only got to go on 3 walks today.

I'm gonna fade away to nothing!

October 1, 2010

Looking for the ribses

The tall guy fell down and broke 2 of his ribses.
He's really sad.
So, I'm trying to find him
some new ribses to replace the ones he broke.
If you have any extra ones laying around,
can he use them for a while?

Thank you.