March 31, 2010

The Case of
The One-Legged Lady
(cont'd)

This case has me all tied up in knots!

We've found out some more information about our one-legged friend. The police seem to think her name is Evi. We surmised this from this photograph found at the CSI (Canine Sniffing Investigation) unit:

Evidently, Ms. Dence has also been seen traveling from state to state - often with a gentleman by the name of Ken. Here are some of the clues that have been discovered by our cracker-jack team of top-secret hidden informants:

"That dame's leg belongs in NC. I do believe it is the missing Barbie leg that disappeared from our house many years ago. " Top Secret Hidden Informant #1

"I saw the other leg. She must be making herself out west." Top Secret Hidden Informant #2

"I know what happened to the lady whose leg you found. She's in a box in my closet. Her friend, named Ken, is in the same predicament. Only his hands have been chewed off and his one good leg is missing a foot. They both met their fate in the jaws of a vengeful poodle who never got to go on road trips with his family." Top Secret Hidden Informant #3

So here's what we have so far. A very tall one-legged lady has been seen headed west, possibly with a male companion named Ken who does not have a foot or hands. This case is becoming curiouser and curiouser by the minute! The clues are mounting up!

THIS JUST IN: A rather strange group of people has been reportedly seen in the area where the event occurred. We have just received photographs of the group. If you see any of these people, please report to your local authorities. Do not try to apprehend them, as they are pretty much dead and are probably zombies!!!

To be continued...

March 30, 2010

The Case of
The One-Legged Lady
(cont'd)

All the furor had died down in the neighborhood. The lookie-loos had destroyed the crime scene. Even the police tape was torn down. No sense trying to get any more information here. It was time to call in the big boys: CSI. That's right. Canine Sniffing Investigators!

Good thing I'm friends with some of the pups who work for the CSI. They asked me if I would run a DNA (Doggy Nom-nom Analysis) test for them.

Nom-nom. Nom-nom.

Unfortunately, the DNA test didn't provide any clues. I couldn't catch a break! From the looks of the neighborhood, I figured that someone had to have seen it happen. I needed to find someone who knew these people; some low-life two-bit semi-lucid hyphenated drifter who didn't have a dog house to live in, a bone to chew on or a grassy area for squatting. Someone who had sucked all the milk out of the teats of life. If I could only find a mole who would be willing to help for a few cookies.

I said a MOLE, not a ground squirrel. Sheesh.

To be continued...

March 29, 2010

The Case of

The One-Legged Lady

It was a bright and windy morning. The tall guy and I were out on our usual morning walk. All of a sudden, I spotted something:

It was a dame's leg. And from the looks of things, she had legs up to her hips. HAD being the operative word.

No shoes, no stockings, no body. She must have left in a hurry to leave THIS behind. From the proportions of this leg, she must have been like 18 feet tall with a size zero foot. She shouldn't be hard to spot! So we hit the gritty streets, looking for clues.

MMMMMM, gritty street. With butter! (It's a Southern thing!)

And wash it all down with some fresh spring water - or in this case, warm water fountain water. But then I noticed one small tiny red drop on the sidewalk. The kind of tiny red drop that could have come from a dame with only one leg running away from something chasing her at midnight on a night with no moon. Could this be a clue?

TO BE CONTINUED...

AND now for a VERY IMPORTANT NOTE from the Tall Guy:

- Toilet
- This Old House Magazine
- Picture of a waterfall in Vermont
Please note there is NOTHING crocheted. Thank you.

And now with more extra added information from the tall guy:
The first two commenters have asked if there is anything fuzzy in the bathroom since you can't see the whole thing. Trust me, there's nothing fuzzy in here. If there are any guys in your house, you know why! :)

March 28, 2010

Be vewy vewy qwiet!
I'm huntin' skwirrel!

For some reason, about this same time every year, all the skwirrels decide it's time to come out of hiding! Well, FIE ON THAT, I say. I've noticed that some of the other puppies are keeping an ever vigilant eye out for the evil ones. BUT, they are sneaky. Since so many of the 'trees' out here are covered in pointy things, the evil skwirrels have decided to go underground!

You may have seen me poking my nose in these holes before. There are literally 18 million of them in the park. LITERALLY!

Since they can't climb the trees, they tend to run around on the ground. Mocking me!

And here you see my famous pose: "I think that's a skwirrel but I'm not exactly quite sure, so I'll just lift up my pointing leg a little bit until I am more sure." Actually, it wasn't a skwirrel, so I wasn't quite right this time, but that just goes to show you how crafty the skwirrels are. They are so crafty, they could probably even make these:


(PS: The tall guy says just in case you were wondering, the one on the left is a toilet paper cover and the one on the right is a tissue box cover. Crocheted. For real. Some peoples have these in their houses!)

And now for your Sunday morning enjoyment: HERE!

March 27, 2010

OH NO!!

Someone has fallen into this hole
but they are still holding onto their potato chip bag!

Don't worry! I'll save you!!

(PS - There is not really a person underneath all of that.
It was just a bag in the dirt that I was playing with.
But if there were,
I would definitely try to save them first.
Well, I would try to save them.)

The tall guy found this picture and he thought it was funny.
It reminded him of a song:

Every time it rains, it rains
Puppies from heaven.

I don't think that's really the song, but then again he's like 140 years old in dog years,
so maybe he knows something that I don't!

March 26, 2010

I would like to introduce my new friend:
"Sir Chews-A-Lot"
(better known as "So help me Jack, if you tear the other ear
off that thing, I'm going to put it away and you'll never see it again!")

At one time or another, he did have two ears, but one just happened to fall off into my mouth one day. The new hair-do (or as the tall guy says 'hair-don't'), used to be a rope-thing that I was supposed to play tug-of-war with. But at least he still has both of his eyes AND all of his stuffing. The tall guy says that is an improvement. Don't tell him that I just haven't had a chance to 'improve' it yet.

The tall guy wanted to show you that I can be a good puppy and not destroy things. So, here is a really good fake picture (well, not so much fake as bribed) showing that I do not always tear up my toys. Well, almost not always. Well, sometimes. Ok, so I tear up a toy or two. Or four. Ok, I tear up a lot. But really, is that so bad in the grand scheme of things?

I hereby propose that all puppies (and a reasonable number of feline puppies) be pardoned for the destruction of any toys which they may have (or will the the future) inadvertently disassemble(d). This pardon shall be retroactive to the beginning of time and may not be repealed, revoked or rescinded by any legislative act or by any mean person. All in favor, say 'Bark'. (For those who have trouble with the 'B' initial consonant sound, a 'Woof' may be substituted.)

From the tall guy: If you are a Testudinidaephile, you should go see this blog!

March 25, 2010

Shadow Puppies!!

Can you guess who is making these shadows?

Could it be Remington?

Could it be Ninny?

Could it be Erin and GuidePupPompei?

Could it be Dory and her mom?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Nope. It's just ME!! :)

Happy Puppy Shadow Day to everyone
and all their shadows!

PS. I just made that up about Puppy Shadow Day.
I do things like that sometime.
It's not like lying.
It's just pretending! :)

March 24, 2010

Do you know Mr. Spiderman?

I found his ball yesterday when we were on our walk.

He must really really like it and want it back.

Because he wrote his name ALL over it!

So if you see Mr. Spiderman,
please tell him that I have his ball.

You don't think he will mind if I play with it
until he comes to get it do you?

March 23, 2010

The Sniffin' Tree

Do you have a favorite place that you simply have to stop when you're on your walks? This is my sniffin' tree. Evidently it's a favorite spot of all the puppies who come to the park, because the tall guy knows that when we get to the tree, he might as well sit down and read a book or something because I need to spend about 4 hours here. And then go to my next sniffin' place. And the next. And the next.....

And since we haven't talked about feline puppies on here lately, here is something for Madi and her mom:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVrXHOmM56s

March 22, 2010

If there can be TWO Darrins...

Why not three?
TVLand was having a Bewitched marathon yesterday.
Guess what we did ALL DAY?

March 21, 2010

You didn't tell me...

that I was supposed to let go of the Frisbee AFTER I threw it!

March 20, 2010

Are we there yet?

Yesterday, the tall guy got in the mood for some 'down-home' cooking, so we went to a place called Cracker Barrel. Well, first of all - no crackers and no barrels. They should call it 'We Just Made Up a Name' store. Puppies, as usual, are not allowed in the No Cracker No Barrel store. So while I sat in the car, the tall guy went in and got his food and brought it back out to the car. But did I get any? No. He even had something called 'country ham' (which I guess is different than city ham) which had this really cute bone in it that looked like a ring, but did I get the bone? No. Did I get applesauce? No. Did I get pinto beans? No. Did I get cold slaw? No (well, that was ok - it just looked like chopped up cabbage to me!) Did I get blackberry cobbler with ice creams? No. What DID I get? A little bitty tiny small piece of biscuit. That's it. So from now on I think we should call it 'Don't bring your puppy because he won't get to eat any of the food not even the bone in the country ham' store. Let's see how well THAT goes over in their advertising!

So, I hereby propose a new rule: You have to share any food you bring back to the car. And I don't mean just the biscuit!

And this just in (from the tall guy): Is your puppy bored? Here's a tip for you to try!

March 19, 2010

I am not a morning puppy!

The tall guy stays up SO LATE every night that it makes it really hard for me to wake up in the morning. And trust me, when I get up, he has to get up too!

I wonder if Royal Canin makes a coffee-flavored dog food?

March 18, 2010

Oh won't you come and play with me?

Whenever I see another puppy coming by (and there is one in the picture - you just have to look really closely at the upper left hand corner), I always sit down and wait like a well-mannered puppy. The tall guy says I am being very good when I do that. But sometimes, the peoples won't let their puppy even come and talk to me and it makes me very sad :( Well, a little sad, but I don't know how to do that character on here.

So next time you are out walking, and you see a puppy patiently waiting for you to come say hello, you should stop by and say "Hello". And if your people won't let you come by and say hello, well then they can just sniff my butt! :)

And for all the pibble fans (including my friends at kissa-bull, here's something that I think you might like:

HERE!!!!!!!

March 17, 2010

It's your ROVER-ing Reporter
Jack
coming to you live from station
WJACK!

And here's today's news headlines:

Dog Washing Machines? It's true!

Would your dog like to jump out of an airplane? Let's find out!

Dog or hair style? You make the call!

And finally:
Does your dust mop have too much static?

Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!

March 16, 2010

Take me out to the ball game!

I like that song.

Why?

Because they talk about me!

"What?", you ask.

"I don't remember a puppy in that song."

Well, of course there is.

"Buy me some peanuts and Cracker...."

See!

ME! :)

March 15, 2010

Where is Cirque de Soleil when you need them?

I've decided to become a JACK-robat!

Oops, gotta watch out for those strings!

The tall guy said I could start my own show and call it Cirque de So-LAME!

I told him I bet Abraham Lincoln thought that was REALLY funny!
(It's ok - I didnt' need to eat two times a day.)

March 14, 2010

And the votes are in!

I got me a pannycake!

"Oh no, the dingo ate my pannycake!!"

I would like to thank all the members of the dogblog Academy for their tireless support and effort. I would also like to thank the tall guy for listening to all the puppies (and feline puppies) and deciding that it would be ok for me to have a pannycake! I did not, however, get any tree juice or coagulated cow fat, so maybe next time!

(From the tall guy: Jack did not EAT either the DVD nor my new $2.50 pair of Hanes underwear, primarily because neither of them has any taste (that I'm aware of). He does, however, think that chewing them to pieces qualifies as entertainment. The DVD he found sitting under the tv. We are usually better about hiding them. The underwear he finds when I forget to close the closet door where the dirty clothes are. If you know anyone who needs size 32 underwear with no crotch, please let me know. I have about 20 pair!)

March 13, 2010

Dear Hanes Underwear People:

I really like your new soft underwears.

They are delicious.

(From the tall guy: If anyone ever makes an underwear and/or sock flavored dog food, you will be able to make a fortune off of Jack alone! Also, do you see a running theme starting to develop here?)

March 12, 2010

Dear Netflix,

I really enjoyed the last DVD you sent to the tall guy.

It was delicious.

(From the tall guy:
Total cost for replacing DVD from Netflix that Jack decided he needed to destroy: $14.00
Total cost in 'Jack is driving me crazy today' - Immeasurable.)

March 11, 2010

I made it through the rain!

I don't know where all this water is coming from. I think someone sprung a leak!

It rained all day yesterday and I did not even get to go on ONE good walk. We started to go but when we got about one block away from the house, it started raining again, so we high-tailed it (well, I high-tailed it - the tall guy doesn't have much of a tail to high) and came back home.

Finally, right before it got dark, it stopped long enough for us to take a little bitty tiny short walk of only about 3 miles. That's where we found all the leaking waters. The tall guy said he loved the rain, so I guess I'm happy that it rained. Sure, he gets in the shower every morning. He's used to it!

Here's hoping your day was non-rainy-ful and you got to go on lots of walks!!

March 10, 2010

Our Spring Break Vacation!

The tall guy decided we needed to go on a mini-vacation today,
so we went up to see what we could find.

We drove up this really bumpy road.
Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump.
(Remind me to go to the bathroom before we get on this road again!)

But then this is what we saw.
It seems strange to see the bugs* and snow at the same time!
(From the tall guy: Bugs = cactus - because they will bite you)

So then we decided to go to a strange and foreign land.
We must have gone really far away because the tall guy said we were going to HI-KING.
(I think that's in China or something.)

So we walked down this dirt road.
I'm glad we didn't see any cars because they sure would have had
a hard time because the road was so narrow!

Then, we saw all these neat waters.
We didn't get to go all the way down to the waters, because the tall guy said
1) he didn't trust me will all the waters falling and
2) he said I shouldn't drink the water because it had bad stuff in it.
and so I said
3) You should have brought me some water to drink then
and he said 4) I know
and I said 5) Well, we had best just get ourselves back to the car because I am thirsty.

We talk in numbers like that a lot when we're trying to make a point!
He took some more pictures of the water and then we came back to the car.
So, if you would like to see some of the falling waters, come visit me and I'll show you exactly where they are.
We can leave the peoples at home! :)

March 9, 2010

Must...Escape!!

Now I know how the troops during WWI felt! :)

March 8, 2010

Can't a guy even sleep out in the sun
without someone taking a picture?

Jack's tips for taking a nap in the sun

• Always wear your sun scream. The tall guy uses baby sun scream on my nose (just like the lady doctor told him)
• Make sure there is a tree near by, so when you get hot, you can move into the shade.
• Make sure there are a lot of puppies out in the neighbor yards, so you can smell them. If your neighbors do not have any puppies, move. You don't want to live in a place where people do not have puppies.
• One of those nice chairs and cushions from Crate and Barrel to lie on is very comfortable. Make sure you choose a nice color to contrast with your fuzz.
• Make sure your peoples can see you through the window, so when you need a cold refreshing drink, they will be able to bring it to you.
• For some puppies, a pool would be nice after your nap. But then again, some puppies would just as soon eat a bug than get in the water! So make sure you have some bugs available.