December 10, 2010

Awwwwww!
Look at the sweet puppy!
He's cuddling with
Mr. Rabbit.
That must be the nicest,
most sweetest puppy ever
in the whole wide world.
Yes, indeedy!
I bet he is the bestest dog
who always listens
and does everything the tall guy
tells him to do.

Think this will fool Santa*?

* Dear Santa: Please do not notice that Mr. Rabbit no longer has no eyeballs.
Or face.
Or stuffing.
Or squeakers*.
Thank you.
Your friend,
Jack




Note from the tall guy:
Jack did not get a chance to eat the squeakers.
Once he de-faced (LOL)
the bunny,
I removed the squeakers so that he couldn't get to them.
I think I read about that on Ms. ~K's blog
because I had never thought about it before,
but now I do!

December 9, 2010

It's time for
The Annual Eating* of the
Christmas Toothbrush!

And how was I supposed to know that you shouldn't chew up the toothbrush? I mean they put this good tasting stuff on it and then they put it in your mouth and rub it all over your teeth? How was I supposed to know that it was sitting out on the counter to dry and that I wasn't supposed to sneak up on the counter and get it and take it outside and chew it into a bunch of pieces while the tall guy was watching the teevees. So, it's really HIS fault.

*PS - I didn't really EAT it. I just sorta divided it into pieces with my teeth.

PPS - Do you think Santa works under the 3 strike policy?

PPPS - I'm not really sad in the picture above. I'm just about to fall asleep.

December 8, 2010

It's time for
The Annual Decorating
of the Christmas Mantle!

Please note: We are not allowed to have no stocking hung by the chimney with care, or even a stocking hung by the chimney with haphazard because someone thinks that I might decide that the aforementioned stocking could possibly be a Class 4 fire hazard and need to be unhung from said chimney when someone is not at home. Especially if there is any good stuff in it!

However, we do have this:
The tall guy says that it is supposed to be me, but come on. I think you know my feelings on hats! My guess is that it's just something he has had for a while and just stuck up on the mantle so all the green stuff wouldn't fall off! However, if it makes him feel better to think that I think it's supposed to be me, I guess I can go along with it for a while!

And don't even ask me about the candles that turn on by themselves. Those things are just scary!

December 7, 2010

It's time for

The ANNUAL PUTTING UP
OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE!

The tall guy said I could help him put up the Christmas tree this year. I am so excited.

Here I am making checking out one of the ornaments to go onto the tree to make sure that it does not contain any non-Christmas-sy smells. The tall guy wouldn't let me put any of the ornaments ON the actual tree itself, but he said I was being a big help!


Here I am guarding the Christmas tree to make sure that no unauthorized ornaments are place upon the tree. The tall guy said that I wasn't in the way very much when I did this, but that I was still helping!

Here I am making sure that all the ornaments are being placed in exactly the right position on the tree. Since the tall guy is so tall, I had to constantly remind him that he needed to put some down toward the bottom of the tree so that I could see them too. He said that my never-ending CONSTANT REMINDERS were a really big help and didn't cause him to get 'aspirated' even one time! As a matter of fact, I was being so helpful when he was trying to put the stuff on the tree, he decided I could be more helpful a little farther away, so I could use my trained eye to better see where the ornaments should go.

So here I am helping from farther away. The tall guy said it would give me more perspective, but to remember that he could not have done it without me in the way... er.... without my help and that I really really helped and that he would have to remember how much I helped when he was taking DOWN the tree and that maybe he would wait until I was taking a nap or something so that I would be rested when he needed my help then!

You may have noticed that I am behind the fence. The tall guy said that being behind the fence would give me a better reference point from which to judge the aesthetics of the tree and would be a REALLY BIG HELP!!

December 6, 2010

It's time for
The ANNUAL EATING OF
THE CHRISTMAS HAT!

Yes, dear friends, it's once again time for the Annual Eating of the Christmas Hat.

What? You've never heard of the Annual Eating of the Christmas Hat tradition? You mean your peoples don't make you put on the fuzzy red hat? What are they thinking? Have they been doing some early dipping into the egg nog?

Every year since I've been born, the tall guy tries to make me wear this silly red hat with the white ball on it. And every year, I have to remind him that I do not like to wear the silly red hat with the white ball on it. And every year he ignores me.

I try to make funny faces when he takes the pictures so that none of them will be usable, but he just plops that darned hat down on my head like my opinion doesn't matter.

So, this year I'm starting a new tradition. (That may be why you haven't heard of it yet!) It's the ANNUAL EATING OF THE CHRISTMAS HAT. I figure if I get enough holes in the fuzzy red hat, eventually the tall guy won't be able to use it any more because there won't be any red fuzz left.

Won't you join me in this new holiday tradition? It doesn't have to be a hat. It can be reindeer antlers, bows, festive collars or any thing which they try to get you to wear so they can put your picture on their Christmas cards to send to Aunt Mabel or Uncle Farnum.

So take a stand, take a bite, take a hike or take a bus, but remember, NO MORE FUZZY RED HATS!!*

*(Unless, of course, you LIKE wearing hats.)

December 5, 2010

Excuse me...

but I think your tongue is on my eyeball.

December 4, 2010

Ice Ice Baby

Well what do we have here?

(A very special thanks to
WYATT
for sharing this website with everyone!)

December 3, 2010

How To Play Frisbees*

It seems there is some confusion about how to play Frisbees. Some dogs seem to think that you let your person throw it and then you run and try to catch it and bring it back to them to let them throw it again. Well, you can play that game if you want to, but I think you'll like mine better.

First, you let the person throw the Frisbee, and you can run and get it if you want to, or you can just saunter over and pick it up. Whatever mood hits you. Then you go somewhere in the shade and plop down. It's better if you plop, because then your person will understand that you are tired of running after a piece of plastic and that you need some 'you' time for a while.

After you've found a good place to plop, you can start eating the outside of the Frisbee. Don't swallow it, because, as everyone knows, Frisbees do not have no nutritional value. But, chewing will help prevent harmful plaque from forming on your teeths and give you fresh Frisbees breath! And you can keep chewing until your person gets over to you and tries to take the Frisbees away! Now isn't that more fun than running around like a chicken with its head cut off?

So there you have it. Fun with Frisbees. See you at the park!

* Yes, I know I did a post about a Frisbees a while back, but this is a new post. Just forget you even read the old one - if you even DID read it that is!

December 2, 2010

A Fella Can Dream Can't He?

I see snow up on top of the mountains, and I remember how great it was last time we went up there, but the tall guy seems to have forgotten how much I enjoy playing in the snow.

So I snuck in this picture from the last time we went, hoping that maybe it will remind him that we need to go to the snow. I'll let you know if it works!

December 1, 2010

OH MY DOG!!!!
Have you seen this??

The tall guy was flipping through the channels on the teevees last night (as usual, I don't think he watches more than 5 seconds of any program), when all of a sudden THIS came on! I could not believe what my eyeballs were looking at.

First of all, there is this little dog and he has this girl who insists on dragging him around everywhere she goes and let me tell you, that little dog is not happy!

First of all, he gets to go ride on a bicycle and then the little girl makes him come home and he don't get to ride on the bicycle no more. And then she makes him go to where all these little kids are screaming and jumping around and he almost gets stepped on like 200 times. And then she makes him go walking like 80 miles and did not even have no water or cookies for him the whole time. I bet she didn't even bring no poopy bags!

Well, I made the tall guy turn the channel after that. I think the movie was called 'The Wizard of Dog' or something like that, but I will tell you one thing. I'm not gonna watch THAT movie no more!

November 30, 2010

The Story of
Peter the Rabbit

There once was a rabbit who came to visit me.
His name was Peter the Rabbit.
We played and frolicked all day long.

But then he got an attitude.

So I had to de-attitude him.

The End

November 29, 2010

Where's My Napkin?

What?
Oh, I have a little something on my lip?

There.

Did I get it?

No, not quite?

Well, maybe no one will notice!

November 28, 2010

Well if they didn't want me to chew

Why did they give me teeths?

Someone the other day noticed the quilt on the tall guy's bed. They said they had one just like it but it might have a few holes in it from where someone had eated it.

Here are some things from our house.

Exhibit A (quilt):

Exhibit B (blanket):

Exhibit C (towel):

Evidently, someone is sneaking into my house and chewing off all the corners on anything they can find. Oddly, ever since the tall guy found these, most of the chewing has stopped. All of these things shown above have been chewed for quite some time. Come to think of it, maybe they were that way when the tall guy bought them. Does Martha Stewart have a new line of pre-chewed housewares?

November 27, 2010

RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I tried to warn you about eating turkey on Thanksgiving. Now look at what has happened. They have mutated into GIANT HAT WEARING TURKEYS that will eat your children and your husband and have their own teevee show!!!

They will seek revenge. And pie. Probably pumpkin with a little dollop of whipped cream on top.

The only way to stop them is to give all your leftover turkey that is hiding in your fridge to your puppies. Don't even keep any for sandwiches which you were planning on eating during the football game. All of it. MUST BE EATEN!!! Only puppies have the super-strength stomach needed to foil their evil plans.

And a little pie wouldn't hurt either.

November 26, 2010

After all that relaxing yesterday,
now it's time for
BED FOOTBALL!!!

Even when it's too cold to play outside, or if you just like driving the tall guy insane, remember, it's always a good time for Bed Football.

Bed Football is just like regular football, except you play ON THE BED. And no one keeps score. And there's not a marching band. And no beers in the stadium. Other than that, it's just like regular football.
The object is to keep the football away from the tall guy. The longer you can keep it away from him, the later you get to stay up!
With extra added benefit of messing up the bed that the tall guy just made!!

So if you would like to join the BFL (Bed Football League), just let me know. Who knows? You might get to play in the Super Bed Bowl!

November 25, 2010

I am thankful that I can
still sleep on the tall guy's head!

What? You're still here???
Get off the computer.
Go eat.
You're skinny as a rail.
Happy Thanksgiving!

November 24, 2010

And I Helped!!

The tall guy has been working outside because he let the grass grow up between the flagstones on the patio. He has been pulling up the grass and he says it takes him like 18 hours just to get up the grass around one big flagstone because I've been helping. He says I am very helpful because once he gets the grass pulled up and put in a pile, I pick it up and make sure that it is strewn all around so the pile won't get too big. I do this over and over again until he tells me to stop and go do something else. That way he can get a lot of rest. It's kinda like a game. He calls it the 'Oh dear God, Jack, if you don't go over there and lay down, I am going to have a complete and total breakdown' game. He said when he gets done this time he's going to put 'mint' in between the stones so there won't be any more grass growing. I've never heard of cee-mint but whatever it is, I'll help him with that too!

November 23, 2010

Look What I Found
or
Do You See What I See?

Can you see it?

Look close.

Yep, there it is!

Yet another baseball rescued from an untimely end by me.

They should make a movie about me!
Arizona Jack and the Baseballs of .....
uh......
Indiana Jack and the Temple of Baseballs.... uh...

Heck, I gotta come up with a good name for the movie!

Note from the tall guy:

It's a bit hard to tell from the pictures, but this baseball was down in a hole covered up with trash. Jack, who was off his leash chasing another baseball (in the baseball field where we aren't supposed to be), went out the gate and was trying to get something. I thought he had found a ground squirrel, but when I went over, I could just barely see the baseball down in the hole. I don't know how he does it - as I don't imagine the baseballs have any special smell, but he sure seems to have a nose for it, as you could probably tell if you see the 10 baseballs rolling around the floor of my car at any given time!

November 22, 2010

Here's a
NEW TRICK FOR YOU TO LEARN!!

Any dog can roll over.
Heck even most CATS can do that.

Here's a new trick for you:
ROLL OVER
(but only half way)

Here's how you do it:
It's just a jump to the left.
And then a step to the right.
Put your hands on your hip.

Wait, what?
Oh, sorry
That was how to do The Time Warp.

Ok, here's how you do
The Half-Way Roll Over

First, you lean way over to your left
(or your right if you're right-pawed):

Then you just sorta flop on over:

And now here's the fun part.
Your people will be expecting you to roll
all the way over,
but you just stop
and lay on your back
while they look at you
in wonderment and amazement!

And there you have it.
A brand new trick that you can try at home.

Remember to practice a lot
so you can impress all your friends.

And as an extra bonus added attraction,
look at what happens:

This is really helpful in case you got some bald spots.
All the dead grass will make you look luxurious!!

Have fun!!

November 21, 2010

More Places
I Am Not Allowed To Go

Do you see this?

That's right.

A FENCE

Can you believe that we have FENCES
in the house that keep me from going into certain rooms?

There's one going into the room with all the books.
There's one going into the room with all the piano.
There's even one going out into the yard,
but I figured out quickly how to get to keep that one open.
(Some people don't like getting up at 3AM
just to let me out to go to the bathroom.)

So with this in mind,
I have written either a poem
or a country song.
And it goes something like this...


FENCES
by Jack

Fences blocking all the rooms,
Fences I do hate.
They stop me from going in,
Don't even have a gate.

I wish there was a doorknob
on every fence I see.
Cause sometimes I need to go out quick,
Especially when I have to
fix some tea.

(See you thought I was going to say PEE, didn't you? BOL!!!)

So darn those fences,
What a pain.
I should be free to roam.
Here's hoping you don't have fences
Anywhere in your home!

OH FENCES FENCES,
FENCES FENCE,
FENCES FENCES
FENCE..

(Did you ever notice if you say a word a lot of times,
it starts sounding really strange?)

I don't know why they bother me.
It doesn't make no sense.

So throw away your fences dear.
Put them in a pile.
When there's no fence to block my way,
That really makes me smile.