January 20, 2010

Remember When??

Remember the episode of The Andy Griffith Show where
Opie decides he is going to run away from home?

Well, this has absolutely nothing to do with that.

The tall guy took this picture when we were out walking near the house.
We have to be careful when we are out walking here
because of the BUGS!

BUGS!!

These are the most evil things ever in the world. I have gotten attacked by them two times
and the tall guy risked his entire life to get them off of me.
So now when we are out walking, he reminds me to watch out for the bugs.
It would be easy if they stayed together like in the picture
but they break off into pieces and blow around.

I even got stuck by one out at the park.
You have to stand very still when the tall guy is trying to get it off of you,
but it still hurts him very much.
So, please be careful when you are out walking
and make sure you watch out for the bugs.

This has been another PUPPY SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
from Jack!

January 19, 2010

I know you might find this hard to believe...

(Note the edge of the Frisbee isn't quite round any more.)

I know it's hard to believe that such a cute puppy as myself could sometimes forget to be 'practically perfect in every way', but, yes, it does sometimes happen.

I was reading about Remington and his very tiny slight lapse of goodness when the tall guy reminded me that I had done practically the same thing today at the park.

It seems that he had taken me off my string so I could chase the ball when I saw a youngster riding a bicycle, so I decided I needed to go say hello to him. Then I saw a guy sitting on a bench eating breakfast so I decided I REALLY needed to go say hello to him. The breakfast guy saw the tall guy running up to get me so he talked to me for the TWO seconds it took the tall guy to get there.

I was then placed in handcuffs and thrown into the paddy wagon and taken to the hoosegow!

(Me in jail - I had this picture smuggled out so you could see my plight!
It cost me 10 cookies AND I think I have to get a tattoo!)

Well, actually, the tall guy just put the string back on me and took me to the car. He said something about being "MOR-DI-FIED". I don't know what "MOR-DI-FIED" means (cause I can't find it in the dictionary - I may not be spelling it correctly), but needless to say, "MOR-DI-FIED" is not a good thing.

So, dear kind Remington, take solace in knowing that you are not alone.

And I have no idea how the Frisbee got broken. It was that way when I found it!

January 18, 2010

I smell better than you do!

http://www.clublabrador.com/labradors-sense-of-smell/

Sometimes when I was out walking with the tall guy, I didn't understand
why he just walked by all these amazing smells.
Then I read this article and now I understand.

This also explains why I sometimes have to
leave the room when he's watching tv.

January 17, 2009

Am I supposed to be
interested in this??
(A very short video)

Sometimes I think the tall guy does stuff just to see how I will react
so he can make a movie out of it.

This was one of those times.

It's not a real dog on the computer.
It's a VIDEO!
Duh...

So next time your peoples try to get you to
interact with the puppies/kittens on the computer,
just give them your
'Jack told me you would try this!' look
and walk away!

And then make them give you a treat for wasting your time!

If you're looking for an INTERESTING video,
look here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MFzcl-kZHo
I hope we don't have any of those earthquake things here!

January 16, 2010

Where do YOU sleep?

I've got several places in the house where I like to sleep. So here's my top 8 list:

8. On the old couch
It wasn't the old couch until I started sleeping on it.
I think we need a bigger old couch,
or I need to stop growing!


7. On the rug in front of the new couch,
usually when the tall guy
is watching the HGTVs.


6. On the new couch,
which evidently will soon become the old couch.
Notice the built-in ear rest.

5. In front of the refrigerator,
in case someone tries to get something out to eat.

4. In front of the pantry,
in case someone tries to get something out to eat
when they can't get anything out of the fridge.

3. In the tall guy's bedroom on the floor,
but only when I need some ME time.

2. In the bed next to the tall guy
(He loves it when I run in my sleep -
he says it's like having a vibrating bed
without having to put in the quarter!
I had evidently just woken up in this picture.
I have NO idea how that torn up paper got there.
I think we have squirrels running amok in the house!)

and my number one most favorite place of all to sleep:

1. On the tall guy's head
when HE'S trying to sleep.
(Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of this.
Mr. Grumpy doesn't find this very amusing!)

So there's my top 8 (why only 8 and not 10? I have no idea).
So where do YOU like to sleep?

January 15, 2010

Jack
(Rated PG)

I have decided to become an underwear model! The tall guy got me a new thing to wear.
He said it keeps me from pulling my string when we are out walking.
It is called an Easy Walk.
(I know that because it's got the name on the side.)

I told him that if he would hurry when we walked,
I wouldn't need to pull on the string.
He said it didn't work that way.

So now, if you're ready,
here I am in all my glory:

He likes it better than a regular harness.
He said I looked like I was a fashion plate!
I told him I looked so good,
I was more like a fashion platter!

He said if I kept talking like that,
he would go back and get the pink Easy Walk.
I told him to go ahead,
cause I would make even the pink one look good.

I asked him when I would be able to go on walks without the string.
He said when it got below 32 temperatures in Michigan.
So, if any of you live in Michigan,
please let me know how many temperatures it is there.
Thank you!

(Note from the tall guy:
The Easy Walk is great. It really keeps Jack from pulling when we are out walking. It doesn't stop jumping, however. I like it because it doesn't go around his throat so if he does take off running (i.e., after anything blowing around on the ground, walks when it's windy are SO MUCH FUN), he doesn't get yanked back when he reaches the end of his leash.

And, since I'm talking about things that actually work for Jack, I've found a chew toy that Jack hasn't chewed through yet. It's called a Hurley and it's done pretty well so far. It's not hard like a Nylabone, so you don't get all the sharp plastic sticking out where he's chewed through it, but it's not soft plastic, that he can tear into pieces in seconds. It's not his favorite chew toy (simply because he can't tear it into pieces), but it's lasted over a week and around here, that's rare!

And now for your listening enjoyment:



Don't you just love the Internet? :)

January 14, 2010

JackLibs!

The tall guy and I played a game the other night called MadLibs, and we had so much fun, I thought I would steal the idea and come up with a completely original game called JackLibs which is something I just now thought up and not a copyright infringement at all!

It's a very easy game to play. All you have to do is come up with a word that fits a category and then we will make up a story using your words. Get a pencil ready so you can write down your answers! Here we go!

====
1) Name of a very handsome puppy who lives with the tall guy and has a blog and invented a game called JackLibs (Proper Noun): ______________
====

And there you have it. Now we will make up a story using the word that you came up with! Just fill in the blanks in the story below with the word you wrote down above.

**********

A Story About __________

There once was a very handsome puppy named __________. __________ lived in a very nice house that probably cost the tall guy a lot of __________. They loved each other very much and spent most of their time reading the blogs of all their online friends and then playing ________s. One day when ___________ and the tall guy were out riding in their car, they got a flat tire. Well, the handsome puppy (named _________) decided he would help the tall guy, so he got the _________ out of the car and changed the tire. Well, the tall guy was so impressed that he said they should go to England and hoist the Union __________ in honor of ______. But first, the tall guy said he had to make some money. He had to hurry in case the airlines decided to ______ up the prices. So, he found a stranger standing next to the road and said "Hey, stranger, would you like to cut cards so that I can get some money to take ________ to England?" "Sure", said the stranger, so they started. The stranger flipped over his card and it was a TEN! Well, the tall guy knew he had to do better than that so he flipped over his card and, well what do you know!!! It was a







"YEA! I won", said the tall guy. "Uh, no you didn't", said the stranger.

So what is the moral of this story?

The tall guy don't know __________ about cutting cards!!

January 13, 2010

Somehow, I don't think this
is what Madonna was talking about!

Warning!!
This story is not for the squeamish, children, or most men!

Well, I thought I had heard of everything,
but now I find out that puppies have something called
'Hey Now Glands'.

These 'Hey Now Glands' are not somewhere
that you can get to very easily,
and sometimes they can get clogged up!

The tall guy noticed that I was
paying a little more attention to my posterior
than I usually do, so he decided that
we had better go see the vegetarian
and have it checked out!
(I like going to the vegetarian - she is very nice!)

WELL!!!
I will not go into the things that she did,
but let me tell you,
I should've at least gotten dinner and a movie afterwards!
Butt (LOL) now I feel much better.

So,
if you feel clogged up,
go see your vegetarian.
You'll be glad you did!

Note from the tall guy:
I'm not EVEN going to expand on what Jack has said.
But, I told the VETERINARIAN (vegetarian, sheesh!)
that this is one of the things I'll gladly pay for
if it needs to be done again in the future!

Just a slight update, based on some of the comments:
Jack never did the 'scooting on the floor' trick,
but I could tell something was bothering him.
Fortunately, we got in to see the vet before she closed.

January 12, 2010

Who needs snow
when you've got dead grass to roll around in?

Sometimes when I am outside, I simply like to lie around and smell the world go by. It is especially nice when I'm out lying on what used to be called grass. The tall guy says it is now called 'Jack, stop rolling around on the ground or else you'll have to take a bath when we get home!' This seems like an awfully long name for dead grass, but maybe it's a scientific term or something. I have learned a few interesting facts about Cynodon dactylon (scientific name: JSRAOTGOEYHTTABWWGH) which I would like to share with you.

If you roll around long enough, the grass will cover up your bald spots

(if you have any).
I know one or two puppies who could use this trick
after they've been to the barber shop

I'm trying to do this.
But I'm not quite there yet.
Yoga is hard,
especially on dead grass!

Lordy, lordy, lordy!
(That's what the tall guy said HIS mom would say to him when he was being silly!)
Dead grass tickles!

Don't even THINK about heading back to the car yet.
I'm waiting for someone to tell me how handsome I look!
Especially with my luxurious shiny hair against the dead grass.

What do you mean I'm looking COY?
My name is Jack!
Oh, coquettish.
Why didn't you say so?!
I would like me some salmon coquettishes.
What???
Well, like I'm supposed to know the difference!

So, there you have it.
Make sure next time you're outside that you get some dead grass
to bring back in your house with you.
And some of those salmon things too!

January 11, 2010

Did you find me yet?

Nope, not at the puppy park!

Nope, not playing in the snow!

Nope, not at the Graham Canyon!

Not even at my favorite tree!


Give up??



Here I am!!

I've been hiding down at the bottom of this page
all the time!!
I'm glad you finally found me!

January 10, 2010

Ah, there you are.
I found you!!

You did pretty good that time.
I had to look for you for a whole day!
But I figured you'd come back here,
so I decided just to wait.
And when you came back,
I found you!!

So, now it's my turn to hide
while you count.

January 9, 2010

Will you play

Hide-And-Seek with me?

You will??
Great!
I'll close my eyes
and count to 100.

... 98, 99, 100.

Hey, you didn't hide. :(
I can still see you there sitting at your computer!

You have to hide better than that!!
Go ahead, I'll wait...

=====
Question from the tall guy:
Before you go hide from Jack, I've got a question. Since it's been shown that the people who read Jack's blog are among the top 1% in intelligence in the world, can anyone please tell me what kind of bird this is?
We saw it while we were out walking. Google says it's a scarlet tanager, but I thought I'd ask someone who might actually know! (The picture should blow up pretty big if you click on it!)


We also saw a vibrant turquoise bird this morning, but it flew away before I could get a good picture of it. Thank you in advance for your help!

PS - This was a lucky shot. The bird had been sitting on a limb and decided to take off right as I decided to take the picture. So, instead of the picture I thought I got of the bird sitting on a limb, this was the shot I got.

January 8, 2010

Hooray for Hollywood!

Here's a suggestion to all you new puppies:
Change your name to NETFLIX. Your peoples will spend hours and hours with you and you might even get some popcorn as an extra bonus!

The tall guy has decided that he is going to watch every movie that is available on Netflix. Even worse, he can now watch them on his computer and not even have to wait for them to come in the mail. (If you're the puppy who goes out to get the mail and you see a red envelope, don't bring it in the house.) I think if he had a refrigerator and a tv in the bathroom, we would never see him again!

I decided that the only way I'm going to get any attention around here is to move to Hollywood and get in the movies myself.

'Mer' and I (she said I could call her 'Mer') got to be such good friends when we made 'Jack and Julia' that I just couldn't say no when she asked me to be in 'Fantastic Mr. Fox' even though it was just a supporting role.

So, next time you're at the movies, keep an eye out for me. I've got an audition for the part of 'Alien #3' coming up soon!

January 7, 2010

Another Amazing Trick
by Jack

Here is one of my favorite tricks to do with the tall guy. It's called 'Sit'. All the dialog is his.

TG: Sit!
Me:

TG: Good boy!!

TG: Sit!
Me:

TG: Good boy!!

TG: Sit!
Me:

TG: Jack, Sit!
Me:

TG: Jack, Jack, sit. Sit! Sit! Sit!! Jack, look at me. Sit. Sit! SIT! SIT!! Jack!!! SIT!!
Me:

And there you have it.
Another AMAZING TRICK by Jack.

Oh, I forgot to tell you that the trick is to see
how many times you can get the tall guy to say 'Sit'.
I'm up to like 200 at one time!
Try it with YOUR peoples at your next party!

(Note from me: After he does this for about four or five minutes,
I THINK he's still saying 'SIT', but I could be mistaken!)

January 6, 2009

I am a
Labrador Three-triever!

The tall guy said I must be a new kind of dog. Whenever we play ball, I will usually only chase it and bring it back 3 times. So, he said I was a Labrador Three-triever! I told him that by the time he had thrown it away 3 times and I brought it back, I have usually decided that if he wants to keep throwing it away, he can go get it for himself!

So if you would like to become a Labrador Three-triever (AKC breed registration pending), here's what you have to do:

1. Get really excited when the tall guy gets ready to throw the ball. But be careful, sometimes he pretends to throw it when he doesn't. Concentrate! Keep your eye on the ball!! It helps if you jump around and wag your tail a lot!


2. When he FINALLY does throw the ball, run like the dickens! (Note: Run like the DICKENS, not run like the CHICKENS - you would look awfully silly chasing after a ball if you were running like a chicken - unless you were running around like a chicken with its head cut off - then you would just be running in a circle and you would never be able to get the ball). (Note 2: The tall guy said this picture is blurry because I was running so fast. That's right - blame the subject!)


3. OOPS! Make sure you don't over-run the ball, cause then you have to turn around and you'll probably kick the ball with your back legs and then it will go who-knows-where and then you'll have to try to find it and it's just gonna be a big mess.


4. You've got the ball! Around this time the tall guy will usually scream and yell and tell you what a good job you did. Although you may be tempted, do not pretend like you do not know him. Just calmly take the ball back to him. Make sure your tail is held high as you return victorious! If you're in a playful mood, don't take the ball all the way back to the tall guy. Let HIM do some running for a change!


5. This is the most important step! This is where you become a Labrador Three-triever. After the tall guy has thrown the ball 3 times, do NOT go chasing it when he throws it again. Trust me, this is a hoot and a half (or sometimes even a hoot-and-three-quarters)! He has probably thrown it really far away, so you get to watch him walk all the way to get the ball. It is better if you just feign disinterest and look at a cloud or something. Oh, oh - look at that blade of grass!!


And there you have it. Once you have mastered the art of three-trieving, please have your mom or dad get in touch with me and I'll send you your certificate showing everyone that you are an Honorary Labrador Three-triever. Good luck!

(Note from the tall guy: I was just reading Jack's blog and notice that he is always VERY excited. At least that is what it would seem from his 'liberal' use of exclamation points. I think he used like 423 in this post alone. I'll see if I can't help him calm down when he's writing.)

January 5, 2010

Every Great Movie Needs
A Sequel!

And the reviews are in:

"More like Godfather 3 than it has the right to be!" --

"If you only see one movie this year, hopefully this isn't it!" --

"Jack could be the next George Clooney -
IF we're talking about the George Clooney
who is the manager at a Dairy Queen
in the middle of nowhere, Kansas!" --

= = =
OK, so it's no 'Staying Alive' but I just wanted to show
everyone that I've overcome my fear of
red and yellow plastic World War II
underwater sea mines!


(Note to TwinkieTinyDog:
I tried to make this
a non-scary movie!)

January 4, 2010

Cooking with Jack!

Today's Recipe:
Dirt

1. Go outside (or inside if your peoples do not know how to keep a clean house).

2. Find some dirt.
You can find dirt almost anywhere. You can dig your own hole OR find a place where your peoples have just planted some flowers or (even better) a nice tree. Lots of dirt with half the effort.

3. Gently put the dirt in your mouth - savor its rich, earthy smell. If you're really lucky, there may even be a few small rocks or even some grass mixed in with your dirt. Only the finest establishments have dirt that has rocks AND grass.

4. There are many ways to eat dirt - some puppies like their dirt in a slow cooker with potatoes, carrots and a little red wine, but I find the best way to eat dirt is just to eat it raw.

This recipe feeds 4.

And there you have it. Tune in next time for another family favorite: Substance que vous trouvez sur le plancher autour de la table de dîner!*

* Stuff you find on the floor around the dinner table

Bone Appetit!

January 3, 2010

MOI??
NEKKIT???
(The tall guy said that was French!)

Someone asked about my happy NUDE year post and so here's my story and I'm sticking to it. I don't know if you've noticed or not, but in almost all my pictures when I am in the house - I am NEKKIT! No collar. Nothing. As nekkit as Porky Pig's butt! Here is an example of what I am talking about:

On Christmas Day of all things!!

Now, I'm not just talking about not wearing sweaters or hats or shoes or any of the other things that some of the puppies on the other blogs wear (or even matching pajamas!). I'm talking about my birthday suit, without a stitch, in the buff nekkit!

Evidently, or so I've been told, someone in the house does not like hearing the noise that my license plate thingy and the thing with my telephone number on my collar make, especially at night when he, er..... someone is trying to sleep. So, someone has gotten into the habit of stripping me stark naked (or starkers as our friends across the pond might say!) when I come in from my walk or riding in the car. (Maybe they should make a puppy license that goes on the back like the one on your car!)

So that's where the happy nude year came from. And now you know the rest of the story!

On the other hand, I'll be ready if I ever go to Pennsylvania!

January 2, 2010

OH MY!!!

Well, if THIS isn't a fine way to start a new year!
All is know is that this THING
just started jumping around like
it was being controlled by
SOMETHING FROM ANOTHER PLANET!!!

Or maybe a SQUIRREL!
It sure is acting like a squirrel!!
Have the evil bouncy Squirrels
have taken over our toys?

Watch out!
YOUR TOYS MAY BE NEXT!!!!

(Batteries not included!)

January 1, 2010

HAPPY NUDE* YEAR!!!

Here's wishing you lots of play,

and lots of sleep,

and lots of toys,
for you to keep.

Lots of friends,
for you to call,
and the most important thing of all,

Here's wishing that your peoples remember
to get OFF the computer
when it's time for your dinner.

And here's wishing you a great and wonderful
NEW YEAR!!


* Note from me: We'll discuss the 'nude' thing
in a later post! :)