Tuesday, July 7, 2009

July 7, 2009

I read something very funny online!

Oh, would you like to read it too?

Here you go:
Dear Dogs,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this.

Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of dogs sleeping; they can actually curl up in a ball.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, and then go smell the other dogs' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.


  1. Jack, I say AMEN to that. Exactly how we feel. Sometimes I'll look down to find a Madi hair on my clothes...it makes me smile...Madi is with me.
    TG Carolina Cafe has melt in your mouth brownies too and most of all all dogs are welcomed to dine outside with their humans!!! I've met many a sweet dog there. I need to add that to my post.
    Madi's Mom

  2. Hee hee! I have read it before but enjoy it every time I see it. The bed stuff is totally true for Mooses. It has taken a lot of hard work to get a routine down where I have enough room. Poor TeddyNo never got it! :-)
    Moose + Dana

  3. Only dog owners truly understand...

  4. Nika says: OMG yes the bed part is soooo true!!!
    Parker says: Us humans take up toooo much space.

  5. You mean we aren't suppose to get most of the bed??? Oh well..Mommy and Daddy let us!


  6. I've read this 3 times today. It has not yet failed to make me laugh.

  7. SPOT-ON... Robin says he was with mummy BEFORE daddy - so it's HIS bed anyway!!!